The Book of Death (Bourbon Kid 4)

laugh. ‘I meant to tell you, that bottle of
Jack Daniel’s you gave to Rick was full of Jim Beam. I tried some of it last
night.’
    Sanchez shrugged. ‘I didn’t have
any Jack Daniel’s left, so I took an empty bottle and filled it with Jim Beam.
Figured Rick wouldn’t know the difference.’
    Williams slammed his hand down
on the desk. ‘Hey, do you two mind? I’m trying to establish what happened in
this case.’
    ‘It’s pretty simple,’ said Sanchez.
‘Everyone died. The end.’
    ‘You’re an idiot,’ Williams
snapped. ‘I have no idea how they let you wear a uniform.’
    ‘Are we done?’
    ‘Not yet,’ said Williams. ‘One
last thing in your report that I want clarification of. What happened to the
Bourbon Kid? Your report says he was in the museum when it burned down.’
    ‘That’s right,’ said Sanchez.
    ‘Well we’ve got no body for him.
All the bodies we pulled out of the fire have been identified. He’s the only
one not accounted for.’
    Sanchez and Flake both shrugged.
‘Come on,’ Williams demanded. ‘What happened to him?’
    Sanchez raised a hand
tentatively. ‘Maybe he’s still in the museum.’
    Williams frowned. ‘What?’
    ‘I read about a cat once that survived
for six months in a house that was burned down. Apparently it survived by
eating the ash.’
    Williams had had just about as
much as he could take. He wanted out of Santa Mondega as soon as possible. His
main priority was simply to resolve this case as discreetly as possible and
employ a new police force. These two idiots were the last remaining links to
the old regime. He forced a broad smile at them.
    ‘Okay, we’re done,’ he said,
breezily. ‘You two are dismissed. Your services on the police force are no
longer required.’
    Flake looked surprised. ‘But I
haven’t got another job to go to.’
    ‘That’s not my problem. You were
only here temporarily anyway. I’ve shipped in thirty new experienced officers
from out of town. They’ll be taking over from here. Hand your badges in at
reception on your way out. The city would like to thank you and blah blah
blah.’
    ‘But that’s not fair!’ Flake
complained. ‘I need this job. The Ole Au Lait is closing down. This is all I
have.’
    Williams shrugged. ‘That’s too
bad. Life’s not fair, honey.’ He picked up the report and waved it at her.
‘Anyway, I think you missed your true calling. Judging by the report you’ve
written, I’d say you could get yourself a job writing horoscopes. It’s an easy
job. You just make shit up and expect people to believe it.’
    Flake faked a smile. ‘Thanks for
nothing.’ She stood up to leave, but took one parting shot at Williams. ‘You
shouldn’t joke about horoscopes, you know. I already read mine this morning. It
said I should have sex with my boss. But as you’ve just fired me, I guess that
won’t be happening now. Looks like you missed out.’
    ‘I’ll get over it.’
    Sanchez perked up in his seat.
‘I could use a new catering manager at the Tapioca.’
    Flake looked down at him.
‘Really?’
    ‘Yeah. With the Ole Au Lait closing
down, there’s a gap in the market for a new breakfast place.’
    Her face lit up. ‘I’d love to do
that!’
    ‘Good. The job’s yours then.
It’ll be nice having you around in the mornings anyway.’
    Williams looked bewildered.
‘Excuse me, but would you two mind getting the fuck out of my office. I just
fired you both, remember?’
    Sanchez stood up. ‘Can we keep
the uniforms?’
    ‘Sure. Now get the fuck out.’
    Flake slammed the door shut
behind them. Williams breathed a sigh of relief. Spending his morning with a pair
of tiresome morons had been exasperating. He closed the cardboard folder
containing the report and opened the top drawer on his desk. He slipped the
report into it and pulled out his copy of the local newspaper , The Santa
Mondega Universal Times. He flicked through the first few pages, checking out
the reports about the aftermath of the latest massacre. When he reached the
page with the horoscopes on it, he smiled to himself. He wasn’t normally one
for reading horoscopes, but having just spoken about them with Flake he decided
to break with routine and read one for a change. The astrologer writing the
horoscopes was named “Big Busty Sally”. “This’ll be funny,” he thought
to himself.
    He scoured the page for the
Pisces report. It read:

 
    Uranus
will give you the strength to make an important decision. If you