The Bride Wore Black Leather

surface of the bell had been deeply inscribed with old Celtic lettering that read, roughly,
Ring Me
.
    “Oh, that is entirely too twee,” said Julien, when I translated it for him. “If a cake turns up that says
Eat Me
, there will be trouble. Never did like that book.”
    I checked the floor of the alcove carefully, for trap-doors and other booby-traps. You can’t be too careful, in the Nightside. I rang the bell sharply, and a clear, crystal sound rang out on the quiet night air, like a single note of grace in a hopeless setting. The local scavengers froze where they were, half out of their protective shadows, their grimy faces full of a strange wonder. The bell rang on and on, an intense but still beautiful sound, and still the scavengers didn’t move. They didn’t experience much in the way of beauty in what was left of their lives. The sound of the bell continued, long after it should have died away, as though it had to travel some unimaginable distance to reach the proper ears. But it finally fell silent, fading and fading away, and the cold, empty silence of the street returned. Julien and I waited for something to happen. The scavengers began to remember who and what they were and emerged from the shadows in larger and larger groups. Ragged men in ragged clothes, with wild, feral eyes and mouths full of broken, pointed teeth. Their clothing was such a mess I couldn’t even tell what it might have been originally. Bare hands and faces were grey with ground-in grime, and they padded on their bare feet as much as walked. These were beyond homeless; denied any of the comforts of civilisation, they had sunk down to brute basic needs and hungers, to the way of the beast.
    “They say that in London, you’re never more than ten feet from a rat,” Julien observed carelessly. “In the Nightside, it would be more true to say that you’re never more than ten feet away from murder and sudden mayhem. I really don’t like the look of these unruly individuals. If a door doesn’t open in this wall very soon, it may become necessary for us to show these unfortunates exactly which of us is in charge here.”
    “I think they already know that,” I said. “Given how many of them there are. Oh, look, they’ve moved to both sides of the street now, to surround us. How very ingenious of them. I suppose I could use my gift to find a hidden fault in this wall, and make a door . . . but there’s no telling how the wall’s protections would react to that. We might end up caught between a hard place and a very angry rock. Can’t you do something to scare them off? Go on, scold them in your posh voice. Nothing like an aristocratic tone to put the lower orders in their place.”
    “Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, John,” said Julien. “Oscar told me that, at one of Whistler’s parties. I suppose I could tell them all about the overheads of running a daily newspaper. God knows that scares the crap out of me, every quarter. But I really don’t see why I should have to do the scary thing. You’re John Taylor! And Walker! You scare them off.”
    I looked around. The scavengers were getting very close now, on every side, and growing steadily bolder as their numbers increased. Some had knives, some had broken bottles, some had chair legs and other improvised blunt instruments. They wanted our warm clothes and anything of value we had, and after they were finished taking that, they’d kill and eat us. Hopefully in that order. Nothing goes to waste in a place like this. When you fall off the edge in the Nightside, you fall all the way. I thought for a moment, considering my options, and I reached out with my gift and found the nearest over-priced restaurant. (Which you are also never very far from, wherever you go in the Nightside.) I gathered up all the food in the restaurant, made a connection with where I was, and it was the easiest thing in the world to bring all the food to me. (Simply a reverse variation on the magic I use to make things disappear.) (I’d been working on it.) Food rained down out of the night sky, hot and steaming and succulent. It hit the ground with a series of soft slaps, and lay there temptingly, while more and more of it fell from nowhere. For a moment the scavengers just stood where they were, watching with wide and unbelieving eyes. It had been a long time since they’d been anywhere near proper food. And then they rushed forward, forgetting all about Julien and me, and fell on the