The Colour of Magic

introduce us,” she said.
    Rincewind coughed. “Uh, yar,” he said. “This is Twoflower, Lady, he’s a tourist—”
    “—I have attended him on a number of occasions—”
    “—and, Twoflower, this is the Lady. Just the Lady, right? Nothing else. Don’t try and give her any other name, okay?” he went on desperately, his eyes darting meaningful glances that were totally lost on the little man.
    Rincewind shivered. He was not, of course, an atheist; on the Disc the gods dealt severely with atheists. On the few occasions when he had some spare change he had always made a point of dropping a few coppers into a temple coffer, somewhere, on the principle that a man needed all the friends he could get. But usually he didn’t bother the gods, and he hoped the gods wouldn’t bother him. Life was quite complicated enough.
    There were two gods, however, who were really terrifying. The rest of the gods were usually only sort of large-scale humans, fond of wine and war and whoring. But Fate and the Lady were chilling.
    In the Gods’ Quarter, in Ankh-Morpork, Fate had a small, heavy, leaden temple, where hollow-eyed and gaunt worshippers met on dark nights for their predestined and fairly pointless rites. There were no temples at all to the Lady, although she was arguably the most powerful goddess in the entire history of Creation. A few of the more daring members of the Gamblers’ Guild had once experimented with a form of worship, in the deepest cellars of Guild headquarters, and had all died of penury, murder or just Death within the week. She was the Goddess Who Must Not Be Named; those who sought her never found her, yet she was known to come to the aid of those in greatest need. And, then again, sometimes she didn’t. She was like that. She didn’t like the clicking of rosaries, but was attracted to the sound of dice. No man knew what She looked like, although there were many times when a man who was gambling his life on the turn of the cards would pick up the hand he had been dealt and stare Her full in the face. Of course, sometimes he didn’t. Among all the gods she was at one and the same time the most courted and the most cursed.
    “We don’t have gods where I come from,” said Two flower.
    “You do, you know,” said the Lady. “Everyone has gods. You just don’t think they’re gods.”
    Rincewind shook himself mentally.
    “Look,” he said. “I don’t want to sound impatient, but in a few minutes some people are going to come through that door and take us away and kill us.”
    “Yes,” said the Lady.
    “I suppose you wouldn’t tell us why ?” said Twoflower.
    “Yes,” said the Lady. “The Krullians intend to launch a bronze vessel over the edge of the Disc. Their prime purpose is to learn the sex of A’Tuin the World Turtle.”
    “Seems rather pointless,” said Rincewind.
    “No. Consider. One day Great A’Tuin may encounter another member of the species chelys galactica , somewhere in the vast night in which we move. Will they fight? Will they mate? A little imagination will show you that the sex of Great A’Tuin could be very important to us. At least, so the Krullians say.”
    Rincewind tried not to think of World Turtles mating. It wasn’t completely easy.
    “So,” continued the goddess, “they intend to launch this ship of space, with two voyagers aboard. It will be the culmination of decades of research. It will also be very dangerous for the travelers. And so, in an attempt to reduce the risks, the Arch-astronomer of Krull has bargained with Fate to sacrifice two men at the moment of launch. Fate, in His turn, has agreed to smile on the space ship. A neat barter, is it not?”
    “And we’re the sacrifices,” said Rincewind.
    “Yes.”
    “I thought Fate didn’t go in for that sort of bargaining. I thought Fate was implaccable,” said Rincewind.
    “Normally, yes. But you two have been thorns in his side for some time. He specified that the sacrifices should be you. He allowed you to escape from the pirates. He allowed you to drift into the Circumfence. Fate can be one mean god at times.”
    There was a pause. The frog sighed and wandered off under the table.
    “But you can help us?” prompted Twoflower.
    “You amuse me,” said the Lady. “I have a sentimental streak. You’d know that, if you were gamblers. So for a little while I rode in a frog’s mind and you kindly rescued me, for, as we all know, no one likes to see pathetic and helpless creatures