The Dinosaur Feather

while they were there, and when they returned to Copenhagen he would also tell Knud about Maja. The woods behind the cottage seemed endless, and the snow scattered like crystals from the trees when a squirrel leapt or the wind stirred. Søren chopped firewood and gazed at the forest, briefly tempted to swap his life for one that was simpler and more manageable.
    They played board games, read books, talked about Elvira, about the first Christmas without her and about Knud, who was putting on a brave face and had insisted that they went to Sweden. Søren had rung him twice, but had only got theanswering machine and he was just starting to worry when he found a message on his mobile from Knud. Everything was fine. Vibe and Søren spoke conspicuously little about their relationship, as though they had agreed a truce.
    ‘We’re like brother and sister,’ Vibe exclaimed one day and lowered the book she was reading. Søren was standing by the window, looking out at the wild garden; he was thinking about Maja, how he was going to break the news, how he would tell Vibe. Now was an obvious moment. Right now. But Vibe was cuddled up in a blanket, her cheeks flushed with the heat from the wood stove, a pot of tea on the table and she looked so peaceful. For the first time in a long time.
    They made love only once. New Year’s Eve. After a lot of salmon and wine. It felt familiar and comforting. They left early in the morning on 2 January. Søren had still not told her about Maja.
    They had stopped at a service station to buy milk when Søren saw the newspaper headlines: ‘ ASIAN TSUNAMI DEATH TOLL REACHES 200,000 .’
    ‘What’s happened?’ Vibe gasped. A strange noise escaped from Søren’s throat. They bought milk, and a copy of every newspaper.
    ‘It’s just so awful,’ Vibe said, over and over. She was leafing through the newspapers. ‘It’s unbearable.’ With tears streaming down her cheeks, she told him about an Australian mother who had been with her two sons when the tsunami hit and how she hadn’t been strong enough to hold on to them both. She had had to let go of her older son, who was seven. Now he was gone. Vibe dissolved completely. Søren didn’t utter a sound.
    ‘Do you want to come in?’ she asked, when Søren had parked in front of her apartment block. Søren shook his head.
    Maja, Bo and Katrine weren’t on the lists of missing persons. Søren checked the homepages of the Danish Foreign Office every thirty minutes every single day. They weren’t there. Why hadn’t they called? He would scream at Katrine when he saw her. Teach her never to be so selfish again. He wondered who to call. He couldn’t think of anyone. Officially, he had no relationship with the Beck Vestergaard family. He had donated some sperm and there was no one he could call. Vibe rang him several times, but he could barely breathe and he couldn’t talk to her.
    Bo called on 5 January in the evening. Søren had tried to eat some takeaway food, but he had lost his appetite. He was standing by the window, the telephone was on the window sill. He answered it after the first ring.
    The weight dropped off Søren, and halfway through January he took sick leave. Bo called every day, but Søren ignored the telephone. Once, Bo tricked him by calling from a different number. Bo screamed at him and Søren hung up. After that, Søren stopped answering his telephone. Twice, someone banged on his front door in the night. Søren knew it was Bo. He didn’t open the door, instead he lay very still under his duvet. Eventually Bo gave up.
    Søren spent his days with Knud, stroking the old man’s hair and watching him waste away.
    ‘Shouldn’t you be at work?’ Knud asked. Søren shook his head.
    The night before Knud died, he lay in the living room in Snerlevej, hooked up to a morphine drip, dosing himself nearly all the time Søren was there. It wasn’t until nine in the evening that Knud suddenly woke up and reached out for Søren. Knud’s blue eyes were alert, but he struggled to speak.
    ‘Vibe,’ he said.
    ‘Vibe isn’t here today. Do you want me to call her?’
    Vibe had gone out for dinner. They had agreed that she would leave her mobile switched to silent so that Søren could call her if Knud deteriorated. Søren reached for his mobile.
    Knud made a grunting noise, which stopped Søren in his tracks.
    ‘No, don’t call,’ he hissed. His eyes rolled a couple of times, then his eyelids closed heavily and just as Søren