The Elite (Selection)

were the one who changed us when you left me in the tree house; and you keep thinking that if you push hard enough, you can make everything go back to before that moment. It doesn’t work that way. Give me a chance to choose you.”
    As the words came out of my mouth, I knew that this was so much of what was wrong. I’d loved Aspen for so long, we’d just assumed a lot of things. But everything was different now. It wasn’t like we were still two nobodies from Carolina. We’d seen too much to pretend we would ever happily be those people again.
    “Why wouldn’t you choose me, Mer? Aren’t I your only choice?” he asked, sadness dripping into his voice.
    “Yes. Doesn’t that bother you? I don’t want to be the girl you end up with because my only other option isn’t available and you never looked at anyone else. Do you really want to get me by default?”
    He spoke intensely. “I don’t care how I get you, Mer.”
    Suddenly he charged at me, taking my face in his hands. Aspen kissed me fiercely, willing me to remember what he was to me.
    I couldn’t kiss him back.
    When he finally gave up, he pulled back my head, trying to read my face.
    “What’s happening here, America?”
    “My heart is breaking! That’s what’s happening! How do you think this feels? I’m so confused right now, and you’re the only thing I have left, and you don’t love me enough to let me breathe.”
    I started crying, and he finally calmed down.
    “I’m sorry, Mer,” he whispered. “It’s just, I keep thinking I’ve lost you for some reason or another, and it’s my instinct to fight for you. It’s all I know to do.”
    I looked at the floor, trying to pull myself together.
    “I can wait,” he promised. “When you’re ready, write me. I do love you enough to let you breathe. After last night, that’s all I need you to do. Please breathe.”
    I walked into him, letting him hold me, but it felt different. I’d thought I would always have Aspen in my life, and for the first time I wondered if that was completely true.
    “Thank you,” I whispered. “Stay safe here. Don’t be a hero, Aspen. Take care of yourself.”
    He stepped away, giving me a nod but no words. He kissed my forehead and made his way to the door.
    I stood there for a long time, not sure what to do with myself, waiting for my maids to come and pull me together one last time.

CHAPTER 31
    I TUGGED AT MY DRESS. “Isn’t this a bit grand for the occasion?”
    “Not at all!” Mary insisted.
    It was late afternoon, but they’d put me in an evening gown. It was purple, and very regal. The sleeves went to my elbows, as it was colder back in Carolina; and a sweeping hooded cape was draped over my arm for when I landed. A high collar would protect my neck from any wind that might come, and they’d pulled up my hair so elegantly, I was positive this was the prettiest I’d ever looked at the palace. I wished that I could go see Queen Amberly, sure that even she would be impressed.
    “I don’t want to linger,” I insisted. “It’s hard enough to go as it is. I just want you all to know that I’m so grateful for everything you’ve done for me. Not only for keeping me clean and dressed, but for spending time with me and caring about me. I’ll never forget you.”
    “And we’ll always remember you, miss,” Anne promised.
    I nodded and started fanning my face. “Okay, okay, I’ve had enough tears for one day. If you could tell the driver I’ll be right down, I’m going to take a moment.”
    “Of course, miss.”
    “Is it still improper for us to hug?” Mary asked, looking at me and then Anne.
    “Who cares?” she said, and they crowded around me one last time.
    “Take care of yourselves.”
    “You, too, miss,” Mary said.
    “You were always a lady,” Anne added.
    They stepped away, but Lucy held on. “Thank you,” she breathed, and I could tell she was crying. “I’ll miss you.”
    “Me, too.”
    She let me go, and they walked to the door, standing together in a group. They gave me one last curtsy, and I waved as they left me alone.
    So many times in the last few weeks I had wished I could leave. Now that it was here, seconds away, I was dreading it. I walked onto the balcony. I looked down at the gardens, gazing at the bench, the spot where Maxon and I had met. I didn’t know why, but I suspected he’d be there.
    He wasn’t though. He had more important things to do than to sit around thinking about me. I touched the