The Flesh Cartel #5: Wins and Losses

frustrated, frankly,” Nikolai replied, cheerfully candid.
Because you can’t fuck my brother? Please please please be for that reason.
“I think it’s safe to say that most of the time, your master will simply wish to see his own desires satisfied. Sometimes he may wish to entertain guests, or his own cruelty. It’s not as if you can ask him, though. You must learn to gauge this on your own. But seeing as I’m enjoying our new honesty with each other, this time you know. So what will you do with that knowledge?”
“Suck you,” Mat said, like some fucking epiphany, and in truth, it kind of was. He risked a tiny movement—turned his head to look toward Nikolai. When this didn’t result in consequences, he grew bolder, dragged himself onto his hands and knees on the mattress and turned around, parted his lips and licked them as seductively as he knew how. “I want to suck you. I want to taste your cock on my tongue. I want to feel you come down my throat. Please, let me. Let me show you how good I can make it. You’ll blow your load so hard you won’t know what hit you.”
“That’s not winning,” Nikolai chided, and it looked like it pained him to say. The dirty talk hadn’t missed its mark, though; he was clearly hard underneath his stupid expensive pants. But his face had hardened too. “That’s bargaining. If I want your ass, you’ll give me that. No substitutions.”
Oh, fuck him. Mat sat back on his haunches—ow, fuck, bad idea—rose up to his knees and crossed his arms lest he start pointing at the fucker. “Who are you to say what is and isn’t winning for me, huh? Sure, bargaining, maybe. But if I can trade a shitty thing that does hurt for a shitty thing that doesn’t, isn’t that all the more power to me?”
“Who said my fucking you has to hurt? Do you think I’m some kind of barbarian? What if I were a lover instead of your master, what then? How would you have me fuck you then?”
“Oh, so my new master is going to be concerned with my pleasure? Somehow I doubt that.”
“You could make him be, Mathias, that’s what I’m trying to tell you. Yes, sometimes he may wish to hurt you. He may wish to be brutal, to hear you scream. And in those times, if you give that to him—if you don’t make him fight you for your pain, if you let him hear you—it will hurt less and be over faster. He’ll have no reason to try so hard. But other times? You can seduce, Mathias. Your body is a masterpiece. You’re a handsome man. He might not be concerned with your pleasure, but if you give him your pleasure, willingly, then he may happily receive it. So flatter him. Entice him. Try to convince him that what you want is what he wants.”
“I don’t want any of this,” Mat said, but it came out a petulant mumble, like a teenage boy who knew he’d lost but couldn’t quite give up his pride yet. Pathetic. Nikolai said nothing, of course. Wouldn’t dignify something like that with an answer. Simply stood there waiting, more patiently than Mat suspected a “slave” like him had any right to hope for.
Mat scrubbed at his face with both hands, sank down to the bed until he’d curled on his side facing Nikolai. Too tired to keep upright. Too worn down. “I just . . . You can’t seriously expect me to look my rapist in the eye and say, ‘Oh yeah, just like that, cowboy.’”
“A moment ago, you begged to suck my cock. I hardly see the difference.”
Yeah, come to think of it, neither did Mat. Jesus, what had he been thinking?
“I shouldn’t have done that. I wouldn’t have, even. Not for myself, not for . . .” For Dougie. “But I was in pain. I wasn’t thinking straight. I am now.”
Except, that was a lie. He would’ve done it for Dougie. But Nikolai didn’t need to know that.
Dougie. That was why Nikolai was sexually frustrated, because for whatever reason, he wasn’t fucking Dougie. Wasn’t getting his kicks from Dougie. And no way was Mat going to throw his little brother under the bus to spare his own pride.
“That’s no way to live, Mathias.” And damn it all, but Nikolai looked like he meant it too. Like the idea that Mat might choose to suffer really bothered him. “Forget about winning for the moment. And for God’s sake, forget about your brother—I can see your concern for him written all over your perfectly transparent face. There was one more item on your list, Mathias. Do you remember what it said?”
Get the fuck out of here. Burn this whole place down.