The Forever of Ella and Micha

afraid to tell me things.”
    “You keep things from me,” I remind him. “Because you don’t think I can handle stuff. And I need to learn how to handle stuff, otherwise, explosions happen.”
    He moves his hand back to the chain. “Like your panic attacks?”
    I swallow the giant lump in my throat. “Yeah, like those… and you need to really consider if you want to deal with that shit for the rest of your life, because I may be able to get it under control, but sometimes stuff will trigger it.”
    “For the rest of my life?” His voice softens. “Do you want that, Ella May? Do you want me eternally, infinitely, forever, till death do us part?”
    My chest pressurizes with the heaviness of his words, so I make a joke. “Have you been reading the thesaurus again?”
    “No jokes.” He rolls up the sleeve of his jacket, and reveals the black lines of the infinity tattoo. “I’m not asking you to marry me, but I want to know if you see us together forever, because I sure as hell do.”
    My insides quiver at the honesty in his aqua eyes. “But I’m broken.”
    His gaze never wavers from me. “I know what I’m getting into and I want it more than anything, but the question is, do you want me?”
    My heart thumps fitfully inside my chest as I let the shield around it evaporate into dust and listen to it wholly for once, shoving away the worry. “Yes.”
    It feels like the sky has opened up and the sunshine has been freed from the clouds.
    Micha lets out a gradual breath as he stares off at the road. “Fuck, I’ve been waiting for you to say that for forever.”
    I lean over to kiss him, but he pulls away, and instead holds up his hand. “Now we need to make the pact again.”
    “I’m not going to spit in my hand,” I say with disgust. “And then let you mix your spit with it.”
    “Why? You did it before.” He spits in his hand. “Besides, we’ve done a lot dirtier things than this.”
    I know once I do it, I’m making a commitment. “We have so many problems.”
    “I’ll ease up on the drinking if that’s what you need. Hell, I’d cut my fucking arm off if you’d just let me be with you,” he says. “But, Ella, we can wait around, wasting years, hoping we’ll reach perfection in our lives. But it doesn’t exist. We’ll always have problems, but as long as we work through them
together
, I think we’ll be okay.”
    “There are so many problems.” I pull off my glove and spit in my trembling hand. “But if this is what you want, then I’m in. Although, I have to say that cutting your arm off would be a disgusting gesture.”
    “Fine, if you really want me to, I’ll keep my arm.” He jokes, then hesitates, edging his hand away. “Is this what you really want though? Because all I want is for you to be happy.”
    I search my brain for the truth. “I want it more than anything, just as long as you promise me one thing.”
    “And what’s that?”
    “That if at any time it gets to be too much for you, you’ll leave me—walk away and get out.”
    “That will never happen,” he guarantees me. “You need to give me some credit. You left me, ripped out my heart, and then came back acting like a robot, and you know what? We made it through. You and I, good or bad, belong together. We make each other whole.”
    Tears threaten to spill out and my heart nearly stops. To anyone else, it would sound like a line, but I know it’s the truth. I lift my hand up with my palm facing him. “I need you to promise, just so I can have peace of mind.”
    “Fine.” He says tolerantly. “I promise that if things get too bad, I’ll walk away.”
    I let out a breath of relief. “Then I’m in.”
    It’s the exact words I said during our last pact when we promised to run away together, get a nice house, good jobs, and have a happy life.
    “So am I.” He spits into his hand again. “Gotta make sure it’s nice and slimy for you.”
    Snorting a laugh, I press my palm to his and I swear the earth stops, because this moment is the beginning of forever.
    “Now we have to kiss,” Micha says, leaning in. “It’s tradition.”
    I meet him halfway and brush my lips to his. His hand cups my cheek and he instantly intensifies the kiss, stroking his tongue with mine. Our breaths collide and swarm around us as the swings’ chains clink together with our movements.
    Pulling away slightly, he captures me by the waist and aids me over to his lap, so I’m facing him with my legs tucked through