The Game

Mystery wanted to use my car to pick up Jen from San Diego. On the way back to the house, Jen and I were chitchatting and having fun. Mystery felt left out so he started negging me.
    MYSTERY: I felt that Katya was trying to steal Jen from me and share her with Herbal. So I got pissed at Katya in the car, and we had ablow-up. Jen saw this and said, “Just take me home.” After that, she asked me never to call her again.
    MYSTERY [Posted in Mystery’s Lounge]: Be on the lookout for Herbal, Katya, and Jen. If anyone sees Herbal (easy to spot as he frequently peacocks) or his girlfriend Katya (a bi Russian 9.5, easy to spot) with Jen (a nineteen-year-old Mexican 9.5, also easy to spot), please call Mystery so I may administer punishment to Herbal without warning.
    KATYA: He thought I was trying to turn Jen against him. But after that car ride, she didn’t want anything to do with me either. She thought I was lying by saying all that good stuff about Mystery. It made me look like an ass.
    MYSTERY: Herbal and I still had a business relationship. So we went to Chicago together for a workshop. Because I’m fascinated by the mind, I’d explain to him the jealousy I was feeling and we’d draw various boundaries on his relationship with my exgirlfriend.
    HERBAL: On the last day of the Chicago workshop, Mystery and I went to get food together. Mystery opened a four-set of girls next to us. During the sarge, he said, “Can you believe it? This guy actually took my ex-girlfriend.”
He told them the whole story. I’d occasionally give my perspective, and he started getting really angry. He said, out of nowhere, “Katya is not allowed in my house ever again.”
    I said, “It’s my house too. You created this situation.”
    He said, “If I see her in the house again, I will end you.”
    And I told him, “Do what you have to do.”
    MYSTERY: When we came back, Twyla had moved out of Project Hollywood, quit being my personal assistant, and moved in with Katya.
    TWYLA: Katya and I became friends. We bonded over talking about what kind of a person Mystery was. She asked me if I wanted to be her roommate. So I said, “Right on.”
    HERBAL: Eventually, Mystery and I compromised. I said that Katya wouldn’t spend more than half the week at the house. We shook hands and had an agreement.
When I came back from Chicago, I had a week in Los Angeles before going to Boston for a family reunion. I stayed at Katya’s apartment the entire week, just to be cool.
    KATYA: While Herbal was gone, I was helping Papa with his workshops. We finished late on Friday night, went to Mel’s, and then came home and sat in the hot tub. I had to be up in the afternoon and look pretty. So he told me to sleep in Herbal’s room. When I woke up, I saw Mystery.
He asked me what I was doing in the house and I said, “Papa and I were hanging out last night. We had fun.”
    Then I said, “I met one of your friends two nights ago.”
    He said, “Who did you meet?”
    I said, “Sima.”
    And he freaked out.
    MYSTERY: When Katya told me in a very glib way that she had hung out with my ex-girlfriend from Toronto, I was furious. I lost Jen because of her; I lost Twyla because of her; and now she was about to steal Sima, who was still an option.
    KATYA: He ran past me and kicked Herbal’s door off the hinges and said, “Where’s Herbal?” Then he ran back to his room, grabbed a framed photograph of Sima, and threw it at the wall over Herbal’s bed. He said, “I don’t want you in this house when your boyfriend’s not here.”
    MYSTERY: I knew I couldn’t reason with Katya and I couldn’t touch her, so I decided to frighten her. I kicked the door and told her I wanted her out of the house. She said, “This isn’t your house.” And I told her, “I pay rent. I live here. You’re a guest, and your host is not here. This is not acceptable.”
    KATYA: Mystery started threatening that if he saw me in the house again, Herbal would get hurt. He threw candles around; he flippedHerbal’s mattress off the bed; he threw a flowerpot against the wall; and then he opened Herbal’s balcony door and started throwing my stuff into the driveway. He busted my bottle of Kama Sutra oil. I was so pissed.
    MYSTERY: I said, “Don’t come back here or else!”
She said back to me, “Or else what? Are you going to kill me?” And I said, “No. I love you. I will punish your boyfriend if you come back. Tell him to control his girl.”
    KATYA: I went upstairs to