The Last Hero

or possibly even diamonds?"
    Ponder shrugged. "I wouldn't know about that, sir. But they may tell us more about the history of the moon."
    Vetinari's brow wrinkled. " History ?" he said. "But no one lives th— I mean, yes, well done. Tell me, do you have all the machinery you need?"
    The swamp dragons chewed at the moon leaves. They were metallic, with a glassy surface, and little blue and green sparks sizzled over the dragons" teeth when they bit into them. The voyagers piled them up high in front of the cages.
    Unfortunately, the only explorer who would have noticed that the moon dragons ate only the occasional leaf was Leonard, and he had been too busy painting.

Swamp dragons, on the other hand, were used to eating a lot of things in the energy-poor environment of their world.
    Stomachs used to transmuting the equivalent of stale cakes into usable flame took delivery of dialectric surfaces chock-full of almost pure energy. It was the food of the gods.
    It was only going to be a matter of time before one of them burped.
    The whole of the Disc was... well, there was the problem, from Rincewind's point of view. It was below them now. It looked below, even if it was really just over there . He couldn't get over the dreadful feeling that once the Kite was airborne it would simply drop down to those distant, fleecy clouds.
    The Librarian helped him winch in the wing on his side, as Leonard made ready to depart.
    "Well, I mean, I know we've got wings and everything," Rincewind said. "It's just that I'm not at home in an environment where every direction is down."
    "Ook."
    "I don't know what I'll say to him. "Don't blow the world up" sounds a pretty persuasive argument to me. I'd listen to it. And I don't like the idea of going anywhere near the gods. We're like toys to them, you know." And they don ' t realise how easily the arms and legs come off , he added to himself.
    "Ook?"
    "Pardon? Do you really say that?"
    "Ook."
    "There is a... monkey god?"
    "Ook?"
    "No, no, that's fine, fine. Not one of our locals ones, is he?"
    "Eek."
    "Oh, the Counterweight Continent. Well, they'll believe just about anything over..." He glanced out of the window and shuddered, " Down there."
    There was a thud as the ratchet clicked into place.
    "Thank you, gentlemen," said Leonard. "Now if you'll just take your seats we —"
    The thump of an explosion rocked the Kite and knocked Rincewind off his feet.
    "How curious, one of the dragons appears to have fired a little earl—"
    "Behold!" said Cohen, striking a pose.
    The Silver Horde looked around.
    "What?" said Evil Harry.
    " Behold , the citadels of the gods!" said Cohen, striking the pose again.
    "Yes, well, we can see it," said Caleb. "Is there something wrong with your back?"
    "Write down that I spake "Behold!"," said Cohen to the minstrel. "You don't have to write down any of this other stuff."
    "You wouldn't mind saying —"
    "— spaking —"
    "— sorry, spoking , 'Behold the temples of the gods', would you?" said the minstrel. "It's got a better rhythm."
    "Hah, this takes me back," said Truckle. "Remember, Hamish? You and me signed on with Duke Leofric the Legitimate when he invaded Nothingfjord?"
    "Aye, I mind it."
    "Five damn days, that battle took," said Truckle, "'cos the Duchess was doing a tapestry to commemorate it, right? We had to keep doing the fights over and over again, and there was the devil to pay when she was changing needles. There's no place for the media on the field of battle, I've always said."
    "Aye, and I mind you makin' a rude sign to the ladies!" Hamish cackled. "I saw that ol' tapestry in the castle of Rosante years later and I could tell it wuz you!"
    "Could we just get on with it?" said Vena.
    "Y'see, there's the problem," said Cohen. "It's no good just doin' it. You got to remember your posterity."
    "Hur, hur, hur," said Truckle.
    "Laugh away," said Cohen. "But what about all those heroes that aren't remembered in songs and sagas, eh? You tell me about them ."
    "Eh? What heroes that aren't remembered in songs and sagas?"
    'Exactly!'
    "What's the plan?" said Evil Harry, who had been watching the shimmering light over the city of the gods.
    "Plan?" said Cohen. "I thought you knew. We're going to sneak in, smash the igniter, and run like hell."
    "Yes, but how do you plan to do this?" said Evil Harry. He sighed when he saw their faces. "You haven't got one, have you?" he said wearily. "You were just going to rush in, weren't you? Heroes never have a plan.