The Misadventures of the Laundry Hag 00 - Skeletons in the Closet

better judgment, I had asked Janice to accompany me on the three cleaning jobs I’d scheduled for the weekend. With the holiday season gearing up, the elite of Hudson and the surrounding communities were busier than usual, entertaining and throwing lavish parties, and my reputation as a cleaning service was not only notorious, but reliable too. There was a great deal of background noise from Janice’s end of the line, and I thought I heard a crash.
    “Hey, Janice, how’re you doing?”
    “Super, Mrs. Phillips, but I wanted to call and let you know that I’m going to be moving.”
    “Oh? You’re getting your own place, huh? Smart idea.” I toed a dislodged chunk of concrete and kicked it into the street. There was definitely a crash, followed by some volatile yelling. “Where are you, a construction site?”
    A pause ensued, and I picked up on some more foul language.
    “Um, no. I’m on my way to North Dakota.”
    I stopped torturing the sidewalk. “I’m sorry; you’ll have to repeat that, I thought you said you were going to North Dakota.”
    Another crash and what sounded like an animal yelping in pain.
    “No, I am going to North Dakota as soon as Daddy lets Jeremy off the hood of the car. We’re getting married, isn’t that cool!”
    I heard the words worthless no good son of a whore , followed by another crash.
    “Uh oh, looks like we won’t be leaving until tomorrow. See, Daddy is payin’ Jeremy back for abandoning me in the first place and once he’s done were gonna go to North Dakota, only I don’t think we’re gonna be able to drive his car with the hood dented in like that. I guess we should get it looked at first.”
    “Sounds like a plan.” My voice was faint, and I sat down on the curb. “I guess this means you’re not going to clean with me tomorrow afternoon?”
    “No, cleaning is way too hard, and don’t take this the wrong way, Mrs. Phillips, but you’re kind of demanding to work for.”
    This kid didn’t have a clue.
    “Well, good luck to you, Janice. And congratulations on the wedding.”
    “I don’t think we’ll get married until after the baby is born. I wanna get my figure back, ya know?”
    Not to mention her fiancée was probably going to need reconstructive surgery by the time Jack Hammer finished pounding the stupidity out of him.
    “Take care, Janice, and I’ll mail your check to your dad.”
    I hung up before the girl could say anything else. This was freaking perfect. I had no assistant, three cleaning jobs, and a murderer to catch. Not to mention facing up to the wrath of Laura Phillips. Rock bottom was a skyscraper’s height above me.

    * * * *
    I was on my fourth loop around the block directly behind my house when my mother-in-law’s car finally left my driveway. Call me craven, but a girl can only handle so much in one day, and holidays were for resting, right?
    The sun had turned the western horizon a brilliant shade of purple by the time I let myself into the house. Neil lay sprawled on the floor, legs crossed at the ankle, and head pillowed on his forearms. The football game was on, but his eyes were closed.
“Did I miss everybody?” I asked.
    “Mom saw you skulking in the Wilson’s gardenia bush, and I told her she should go before you tallied up another stalking charge. Everyone else was gone by the time I got home.”
    “Neil about before—”
    “Let’s stick a pin in that bug until later. I may have left you to walk home, but at least I waited to eat with you.”
    “You didn’t really leave me, I saw you driving on the thru streets. One of the parade floats started cursing at you to get out of the way. I thought we were going to see a reenactment of the final scene in Animal House there.”
    “Yeah well…I was worried about you. No matter how aggravated I am, I don’t want to find your body in the wheelbarrow.”
    “Ah, Mademoiselle Jailbird has returned to the nest.” Leo sashayed out of the kitchen wiping his hands on a dishtowel and struck a pose that Madonna would have envied. “You missed my finest work yet.”
    I was too wrung out to banter. “Feed me.”
    Leo tsk-ed in my general direction. “Manners, darling.”
    “Feed me. Now.”
    “That’s better.”
    Leo set out plates at the island. I saw the beautiful array of fats and carbs which would soon be sticking to my thighs and kissed his clean-shaven cheek.
    I loaded my plate with wild abandon, drumstick, mashed potatoes, stuffing, cornbread, cranberry, and an