The Night Beat

tried to think of an example they’d understand. “Mother Theresa’s up with the Gods and Monsters, in what she would consider heaven.”
    “She didn’t turn into an angel?” Sexy Cindy sounded shocked.
    I coughed. “No. She’d done her angel work on Earth. I guess…look at ascension as retirement. You did everything the Gods and Monsters could have hoped for on your original plane of existence and unless you want to fight, you deserve your chance to relax. Martin wanted to fight. Mother Theresa didn’t.”
    They all nodded. “Why the Gods and Monsters?” Jack asked. “Why not just the Gods?”
    “Some of the monsters are good, too. In case you missed it.”
    Jack had the grace to look embarrassed. “Sorry. So, back to why you’re okay with dusting the dead perps here?”
    I sighed. “If they didn’t ascend and weren’t undead material, as explained before, they’re here, waiting to be foot soldiers in the War. As Cindy pointed out the last time we visited, they’re all set to be a part of the Army of the Damned. There are a lot of dead who just didn’t have an undead nearby to help them change, and they could end up on the side of the Gods and Monsters. However, in Prosaic City, that’s not really the case. You die here, we’re on it. Ergo, if you die here and you stay in the ground….”
    They all nodded. “Makes sense.” Jack was back to full cop. “So, how do we dust them, if we have to?”
    “Lucky for the three of you, I’m the only one with the right weapon.”
    “What about the little crossbow and the Evil Fairy Repellent?” Sexy Cindy asked.
    “Not evil fairies, not undeads. Won’t do a thing to them.”
    “What about that special gun of yours, the one you keep at your back?” Jack asked. “Why don’t you have that out?”
    “It’s got special bullets, but they’re for undeads and the like. Not for dead bodies.”
    “What are you going to use then?” Jack sounded concerned.
    I shifted into wolf form. “Me.”
    I truly hoped I wasn’t going to have to dust. There were a variety of ways to dust a dead body, but only a few undeads were any good for it.
    “You mind explaining this?” Jack asked, back to cop voice on full.
    “Yeah I do, but anything to pass the time. Because the dead whose souls remain in the dirt and the dark are tied to their bodies, it’s easier to dust them than to kill an undead of any kind.”
    “They know they’re in the dark?” Freddy sounded horrified.
    “No. The soul is, oh, call it the sleep of the dead. No comprehension, no knowledge. Until they’re awakened, and then, as you saw, knowledge of what’s going on comes to them. But they can only comprehend what they could when they were alive. So, stupid in life means stupid in death.”
    “Makes sense,” Jack said. “So, you destroy the bodies?”
    “Yes. We turn them to dust, literally.”
    “You mean like cremation?” Sexy Cindy asked.
    “In a way. It’s one of the reasons Yahweh’s sort of big on the no cremation thing. He doesn’t want to lose potential good undeads. However, a cremated human could still turn undead, since cremation happens days after someone dies and undeads form pretty much immediately upon death, give or take a little wiggle room. Only humans cremate, by the way. Interesting trivia fact you should store away in case you end up playing Undead Pursuit with Edgar or H.P.”
    “So filing,” Freddy said. I figured he had the best shot for that game, anyway. “So, how does it work?”
    “Well, it’s easiest with liches, witches or warlocks. They cast a ‘dust and scatter’ or ‘dust and contain’ spell and, as long as it has enough power and hits the target, it’s all over. A Golem will take the body into a live kiln and do some sort of Golem thing to ensure the soul goes along with the rest of the dusting. Neat and tidy.”
    “No liches, witches, warlocks or Golem around,” Jack mentioned.
    “And, sadly, no fiery furnace either. For vampires, drain any blood left, suck out and spit out other fluids, body withers into dust, taking soul with it. Gross but effective.”
    “Also no vamps here just now,” Sexy Cindy offered.
    “Right. And if they were, they’d be more worried about getting some SPF one thousand to avoid being dusted than dusting someone else. Angels can do it, but it’s complicated for them and normally angelic dusting is reserved for a major minion. While we have angels here, they’re kind of busy. Which leaves werewolves.