The Perks of Being a Wallflower

to drink. And I looked around the room, which was very clean and smelled like people didn’t live there. It had a fireplace with a mantel and golf trophies. And there was a television and a nice stereo. And then Mary Elizabeth came downstairs with two glasses and a bottle of brandy. She said that she hated everything her parents loved, except for brandy.
    She asked me to pour the drinks while she made a fire. She was very excited, too, which was strange because she’s never like that. She kept talking about how much she loves fires and how she wanted to marry a man and live in Vermont someday, which was strange, too, because Mary Elizabeth never talks about things like that. When she finished the fire, she put on the record, and kind of danced over to me. She said she felt very warm, but not in the temperature sense.
    The music started, and she clinked my glass, said “cheers,” and took a sip of brandy. Brandy is very good, by the way, but it was better at the Secret Santa party. We finished the first glasses very quickly.
    My heart was beating really fast, and I was starting to get nervous. She handed me another glass of brandy and touched my hand very softly when she did it. Then, she slipped her leg over mine, and I watched it just dangle there. Then, I felt her hand on the back of my neck. Just kind of moving slowly. And my heart started beating crazy.
    “Do you like the record?” she asked real quiet.
    “Very much.” I really did, too. It was beautiful.
    “Charlie?”
    “Uh-huh?”
    “Do you like me?”
    “Uh-huh.”
    “You know what I mean?”
    “Uh-huh.”
    “Are you nervous?”
    “Uh-huh.”
    “Don’t be nervous.”
    “Okay.”
    That’s when I felt her other hand. It started at my knee and worked its way up the side of my leg to my hip and stomach. Then, she took her leg off mine and kind of sat on my lap facing me. She looked right into my eyes, and she never blinked. Not once. Her face looked warm and different. And she leaned down and started kissing my neck and ears. Then my cheeks. Then my lips. And everything kind of melted away. She took my hand and slid it up her sweater, and I couldn’t believe what was happening to me. Or what breasts felt like. Or later, what they looked like. Or how difficult bras are.
    After we had done everything you can do from the stomach up, I lay down on the floor, and Mary Elizabeth put her head on my chest. We both breathed very slowly and listened to the music and the fire crack. When the last song was over, I felt her breath on my chest.
    “Charlie?”
    “Uh-huh?”
    “Do you think I’m pretty?”
    “I think you’re very pretty.”
    “Really?”
    “Really.”
    Then, she held on to me a little tighter, and for the next half hour, Mary Elizabeth didn’t talk at all. All I could do was lie there and think about how much her voice changed when she asked me if she was pretty, and how much she changed when I answered, and how Sam said she didn’t like things like that, and how much my arm was beginning to hurt.
    Thank God we heard the automatic garage door opener when we did.
    Love always,
Charlie         
    March 28, 1992
    Dear friend,
    It’s finally starting to get a little warm here, and the people are being nicer in the hallways. Not to me necessarily, just in a general way. I wrote a paper about Walden for Bill, but this time I did it differently. I didn’t write a book report. I wrote a report pretending that I was by myself near a lake for two years. I pretended that I lived off the land and had insights. To tell you the truth, I kind of like the idea of doing that right now.
    Ever since that night with Mary Elizabeth, everything has been different. It started out that Monday in school where Sam and Patrick looked at me with big grins. Mary Elizabeth had told them about the night we spent together, which I really didn’t want her to do, but Sam and Patrick thought it was great, and they were really happy for both of us. Sam kept saying,
    “I can’t believe I didn’t think of it before. You guys are great together.”
    I think Mary Elizabeth thinks so, too, because she’s been acting completely different. She’s nice all the time, but it doesn’t feel right. I don’t know how to describe it. It’s like we’ll be having a cigarette outside with Sam and Patrick at the end of the day, and we’ll all be talking about something until it’s time to go home. Then, when I get home, Mary Elizabeth will call me right away and