The Republic of Wine

times. All together now.’
    ‘Daddy - Daddy - Daddy!’
    ‘Down on your knees and kowtow to me, all of you. Three times!’
    Some of the boys, those with weak minds, did not understand everything the little demon said, but their ability to follow came to their aid. Thirty-one little boys fell to their knees in ragtag fashion, laughing and giggling, to kowtow to the little demon, who jumped onto the artificial hill and sat in the lotus position to receive his sons’ kneeling salute.
    Once the ritual was ended, he selected four of the glibbest, most agile youngsters as team leaders and divided the thirty-one boys into four teams. With that done, he said:
    ‘Children, from this moment on, you are warriors. Warriors are bold youngsters who dare to fight and dare to conquer. I will train you to struggle against all people who want to eat us.’
    Team One’s leader asked out of curiosity:
    ‘Daddy, who wants to eat us?’
    ‘Bastard!’ The little demon shook his bells. ‘Don’t ever interrupt me when I’m speaking.’
    Team One’s leader said:
    ‘I made a mistake, Daddy. I won’t interrupt again.’
    The little demon said:
    ‘Comrades, children, now I’ll tell you who it is who wants to eat us! They have red eyes, green fingernails, and gold-capped teeth!’
    ‘Are they wolves? Or tigers?’ asked a chubby, dimpled boy.
    Team One’s leader gave little fatty a slap.
    ‘Don’t interrupt when Daddy’s speaking!’ he reprimanded him.
    The fat kid bit his lip and stifled his sobs.
    ‘Comrades, children, they aren’t wolves, but they’re meaner than wolves. And they’re not tigers, but they’re scarier than tigers.’
    ‘Why do they eat children?’
    The little demon frowned.
    ‘That makes me really, really mad! I said, no interruptions. Team leaders, take that boy out and make him stand alone as punishment.’
    The four team leaders dragged the loose-lipped little boy out of the group; he bawled and fought so hard, you’d have thought they were dragging him to his execution. The moment they loosened their grip, his legs started churning and he hightailed it back to the group. When the team leaders ran back to drag him out again, they were stopped by the little demon:
    ‘Forget it, let him off this time! But let me repeat myself: You children are not permitted to interrupt when Daddy’s talking. Why do they want to eat children? Simple, they’ve grown tired of eating beef, lamb, pork, dog, donkey, rabbit, chicken, duck, pigeon, mule, camel, horse, hedgehog, sparrow, swallow, wild goose, common goose, cat, rat, weasel, and lynx, so they want to eat children. It’s because our meat is more tender than beef, fresher than lamb, more fragrant than pork, fattier than dog, softer than mule, harder than rabbit, silkier than chicken, more dynamic than duck, more straightforward than pigeon, livelier than donkey, more pampered than camel, springier than horse, finer than hedgehog, more dignified than sparrow, fairer than swallow, more mature than wild goose, not as chafly as common goose, more sedate than cat, more nutritious than rat, less demonic than weasel, and more common than lynx. Our meat tops the charts.’
    Having exhausted his list and his wind, the little demon spit on the floor, looking a bit more tired than when he started.
    ‘Daddy,’ Team Two’s leader spoke up timidly, 'I've got something to say. Is it all right?’
    ‘Go ahead. I’ve talked myself out. Daddy would love to smoke some hemp right about now. Too bad there isn’t any.’ The little demon yawned.
    ‘How do they eat us, Daddy? Raw?’
    ‘They have many ways: fried, steamed, braised, cold sliced, fried with vinegar, dry fried, many many ways, but usually not raw. I said usually. They say a certain vice-mayor named Shen once ate a child raw, dipped in imported Japanese vinegar.’
    The children huddled tightly, the timid ones sobbing softly.
    That invigorated the little demon, who said, ‘Children, comrades, that is why you must do as I say. At this critical juncture, you must show your maturity and transform yourselves overnight into indomitable heroes. No more boo-hoos, no more sniveling. The only way to keep them from eating us is to unite as one, become an impregnable wall of iron and steel. We must become a hedgehog, a porcupine. They’ve eaten all the porcupine they want, and our meat is a lot milder than a porcupine’s. We must become a steel hedgehog, an iron porcupine, so we can make mush out of those