The Science of Discworld II

an eye on the movements of the local animals and make sure he paints his pictures at the right time.’
    Some more weeks went by. There were lots of men like Burnt Stick Man.
    And even Red Hands Man …
    â€˜â€¦ so,’ said Rincewind, as he sat by the river, squeezing the clay, ‘it’s quite easy to make other things out of it than snakes.’
    â€˜Snakes are easy,’ said Red Hands Man, stained with ochre to the armpits.
    â€˜And there’s lots of snakes around here, is there?’ said Rincewind. It looked like prime snake country.
    â€˜Lots of them.’
    â€˜Ever wondered why? You play around rolling snakes out of clay, and snakes turn up?’
    â€˜ I’m making the snakes?’ said Red Hands Man. ‘How can that be? I was only doing it because of the enjoyable tactile sensations!’
    â€˜It’s an intriguing thought, isn’t it?’ said Rincewind. ‘But it’s okay, I won’t tell anyone else.’
    Red Hands Man stared at his hands as if examining two lethal instruments. He seemed a little less bright than Burnt Stick Man.
    â€˜Ever thought about making something else?’ said Rincewind. ‘Something more edible?’
    â€˜Fish are good to eat,’ Red Hands Man conceded.
    â€˜Why not try making a clay fish?’ said Rincewind, with a sincere smile.
    Next morning, it rained trout.
    In the afternoon a very happy Red Hands Man, now hailed as the saviour of the clan that lived among the reeds, made a model of a big fat woman out of clay.
    The wizards discussed the moral implications of allowing Hex to rain enormous women over a wide area. The debate took a long time, with many pauses for inward reflection, but at last the Dean was voted down. It was agreed that if you gave a man a fat woman, he’d just have a fat woman for a day, but if you helped a man become a very important man because he had the secret of buffaloes or fish, he could get himself as many fat women as he wanted.
    Next morning they went forward a thousand years in time. There was hardly an unadorned cave on the continent, and quite a lot of fat women.
    They went further …
    In a forest clearing, a man was making a god out of wood. Either it wasn’t a very good carving, or it was a good carving but an ugly god.
    The wizards watched.
    And the Queen of the Elves appeared, with a couple of elves in attendance. They were male or, at least, appeared male. The queen was angry.
    â€˜What are you doing, wizards?’ she snapped.
    Ridcully gave her a nod of annoying friendliness. ‘Oh, just a little … what are we calling it, Stibbons?’
    â€˜A sociological experiment, Archchancellor,’ said Ponder.
    â€˜But you’ve been teaching them art! And sculpture!’
    â€˜And music,’ said Ridcully happily. ‘The Lecturer in Recent Runes is rather good with a lute, it turns out.’
    â€˜Only in a very amateur way, I’m afraid,’ said the Lecturer in Recent Runes, blushing.
    â€˜Dashed easy to make, a lute,’ said Ridcully. ‘You just need a tortoise shell and some sinews and you’re well away. I myself have been renewing my acquaintance with the penny whistle of my boyhood, although I fear that the Dean’s expertise with the comb-and-paper leaves something to be desired …’
    â€˜And why are you doing all this?’ the queen demanded.
    â€˜Are you angry? We thought you’d be pleased,’ said Ridcully. ‘We thought you wanted them this way. You know – imaginative.’
    â€˜ He created music?’ said the Queen, glaring at the Lecturer in Recent Runes, who gave her an embarrassed wave.
    â€˜Oh, no, I assure you,’ he said. ‘Er, they’d worked up to, you know, basic percussion, the conch shell and so on, but it was all rather dull. We just helped them along a bit.’
    â€˜Gave them a few tips,’ said Ridcully, jovially.
    The Queen’s eyes narrowed. ‘Then you are planning something!’ she said.
    â€˜Aren’t they doing well?’ said Ridcully. ‘Look at that chap over there. Visualisin ’ a god. One with woodworm and knotholes, but pretty good all the same. Quite complex mental processes, really. We thought that if you want people with wild imaginations, then we’d help them to be really good at it. They’ll fill the world with dragons and gods and monsters for you. You want that.’
    The Queen gave