The Science of Discworld IV

soon as possible. May I say that I would be very pleased if you would be our guest until that happy time.’
    She looked at him askance, in a slightly dazed fashion, and said, ‘Somehow I appear to have turned up mysteriously in something like Balliol College; it certainly reminds me of it, oh my word, yes.Oh dear, where are my manners?’ The woman held out her hand to Ridcully and said, ‘How do you do, sir? My name is Marjorie Daw, you know, rather like the nursery rhyme? fn1 And please, I don’t know how I got here, I don’t know how I can get back to where I belong … and I am feeling rather sick.’
    While she was speaking, a white-robed wizard rushed to the side of Mustrum Ridcully and handed him a small piece of paper; then scuttled away quickly.
    Mustrum glanced at what was on the paper. ‘I believe, madam, that you hail from England, on planet Earth as you call it – a fact which I have just established, since my Librarian can’t find any other place in the multiverse where that particular nursery rhyme should be sung.’
    She stared at him, the words ‘planet’ and ‘multiverse’ rocketing into her brain, back out again and then – because she
was
a librarian – pulling out an index card or two and settling in again for a nice bit of research. Then she crumpled gently downwards towards the lawn, where she was gallantly caught by the Archchancellor.
    She came round in a matter-of-fact way, saying, ‘Sorry, there must be something about this travelling that doesn’t suit me.’ Her eyes narrowed and her lip curled as she continued, ‘It won’t happen again, I
assure
you.’
    Ridcully, apparently lost in admiration for this surprisingly amazing woman, led her to the office of Mrs Whitlow, the housekeeper, who very shortly afterwards reported back that the mysterious lady was snoring in the best guest room available. And Mrs Whitlow also gave the Archchancellor a
look
– one of those looks that spoke for themselves – for after all, he had just carried a lady into the university. It concluded that, well, presumably a man could do anything he wanted in his
own
university, but please let there be no hanky or panky or, even worse,
spanky
.
    Mustrum Ridcully, on the other hand, did not go to sleep immediately, but instead, once all the guests and visitors had gone, ambled along to the university library, where he spoke to the head Librarian, who promptly carried out the task that Ridcully had presented to him.
    Although he had a very pointy hat and, on special occasions, wore very ornate robes, Mustrum Ridcully was also very smart. Smart was a necessary part of life in the university if you wanted to
have
a life in the university. He prided himself on his memory for small things, so within the hour he headed to the study of Ponder Stibbons. He was followed dutifully by the Librarian, whose skill at picking up data fast was legendary.
    ‘Simian fn2 and gentlemen,’ Ridcully summarised, ‘I am convinced that the Great Big Thing so recently put to work by the wizards of the High Energy Magic building may have struck what I am reliably informed is called a
hitch
… yes, Mister Stibbons?’
    Everyone knows that if you have foolishly done something wrong then your first step must be to determine if the blame can be laid elsewhere, but Archchancellor Ridcully knew where
all
the bucks stopped, and so Ponder’s best defence would therefore be to state a clear intention to return the world, as soon as possible, to the
status quo ante
, and by any means necessary.
    ‘On a point of order, Archchancellor,’ the wizard replied, ‘the word in question is a
glitch
and, as they go, a not particularly bad one, given that as far as we can tell nobody has been injured, I’m pleased to say. According to Hex, Archchancellor, your surmise that we are cross-linked to Roundworld is correct. Well done, sir! Finding a clue in that children’s rhyme was an amazing surmise. Unfortunately, it also makes me worry that there may be more …
seepage
between our worlds …’
    Ridcully frowned. ‘Mister Stibbons. We have meddled in Roundworld rather too many times, in my opinion. In fact, as I recall, it was the Dean who caused the place to come into being, don’t you remember? He was mucking about with some firmament, so technically speaking he created the place. Mind you,’ he went on, ‘I think it would be a very good idea if we don’t let anybody know about
that
. There would be no end of