This Dog for Hire

York artist Clifford Cole, 32, who was found dead on the Christopher Street pier early on January 20th of this year in what the police are regarding as a random bias crime. The artist’s dog, a champion basenji, the barkless African breed, who was reported missing the day of the crime, was recovered through an identifying tattoo on his inner right thigh.”
    It went on to say that it had been learned that the basenji dog, Ch. Ceci N’Est Pas un Chien, known to his friends as Magritte, had been a witness to the vehicular homicide of his master, whose opening last night at the Cahill Gallery in SoHo drew a record crowd. Veronica Cahill, who characterized Clifford’s work as “William Weginan meets Diane Arbus,” remembered to mention to the press that she had extended the run of the show from the usual three weeks to five weeks. And then came the good part.
    The article quoted a couple of ersatz experts, the first a “dog psychologist” named Rick Shelbert who talked about “memory and trauma.”
    “If Magritte were in the presence of the killer,” Dr. Shelbert stated, “there’s no doubt he would react with fear. Because of the trauma,” Dr. Shelbert had gone on to tell the Times, “Magritte would remember the scent of the killer forever.”
    Mobil, unleaded? It was doubtful the killer got out of his car.
    “Magritte should be taken back to the scene of the crime,” said Tracy Nevins, a local dog trainer.
    Leave it to the Times to interview not one but two blowhards.
    “With several visits to the area of the murder, he could be desensitized. Then nonfearful behavior could be shaped and reinforced with food treats, the most effective of which would be the freeze-dried liver tidbits with which handlers customarily bait the dogs in the show ring.”
    As to whether or not Magritte could finger his master’s killer, Nevins was quoted as saying, “Definitely. ”
    I read on.
    “Magritte’s new owner, Dennis Kenton, who writes and illustrates books for children, said the plucky little dog ‘seemed none the worse for wear.’ ”
    Funny. That didn’t sound a bit like the Dennis “Kenton” I knew.
    “ ‘We are still planning on having Magritte compete at Westminster on Tuesday,’ Kenton added. ‘Clifford would have wanted him to be there.’ The show, the second-oldest continuous sporting event in the country, second only to the Kentucky Derby, takes place Monday and Tuesday at Madison Square Garden. A representative of the Westminster Kennel Club said there was enormous interest in the show, particularly now that it was a champions-only event.”
    I decided not to call Dennis. What was then to say?
    I felt a sneeze coming and put the paper down. A moment later, I heard a familiar pop. Then Dashiell showed up with a tissue hanging from his big mouth. I used the half he hadn’t chewed on for the next sneeze. It made me wish one of my dog trainer friends were here to appreciate Dashiell-grand trick. But dog training is a loner’s profession, and even when I was still part of it, I only got to see my trainer friends once a year, during Westminster and all the posh award dinners that preceded it.
    When I first got into training, I got a kick out of crashing the Ken-L Ration dinner. It was an invitation-only black-tie event and considered the big ticket of the weekend. So it was a coup to be seen there. No matter how you got in.
    It was at the Waldorf then, and for years this other dog trainer, Chip Pressman, and I used to meet there and sneak in together. Like basenjis, we wanted to be precisely where we weren’t allowed.
    The raison d’être for the dinner is to honor the top show dogs of the year and their owners and handlers, and, of course, get all sorts of nice publicity for the product. There’s always a guest speaker, usually someone funny to warm up the audience before the long, repetitious award ceremony, and lots of opportunities for schmoozing up new contacts and work possibilities.
    Gil would be at the dinner. Shouldn’t I be to? It would be a good way to hear a little helpful gossip, and it might be fun to try my hand at crashing the dinner, because now you had to do more than just sign in. Now you had to present your invitation to the guardians at the door. Difficult, true, but this was New York, where everything is possible.
    Some people think New York is only a great place to visit, but take it from me, it’s also a great place to live and work. For example, if you ever get a