Time and Again

them about the child."
    "What child?"
    "Cal's-Libby's carrying a child. Didn't she tell you?"
    "No." Shaken, Sunny pressed a hand to her temple. "Everything was so confused. And I- Libby's pregnant." With a little laugh, she dropped her hand. "How about that? We're going to have a niece or nephew." It seemed right, only right, that when her world was at its darkest there should be that tiny glimmer of life, and of hope, in the future.
    Yet it was that same future she was losing him to. "Having a baby only takes nine months," she began, trying to sound casual. "I don't suppose you'd consider hanging around to see whether we should buy blue or pink balloons."
    It was so easy to see beyond her smile, into her eyes, where the sadness hovered. "I can't take a chance on leaving the ship here so long-and I've already overstayed my projected equations. Sunny, my parents have a right, a need, to know about Cal's life, about the child. Their grandchild."
    "Of course."
    "If I could stay- There's nothing there that means as much to me as what I've found with you. You have to believe that."
    She struggled to remain calm while her world silently fell apart. "I believe that you love me."
    "I do. But if I don't go back, if I don't give them that much, I could never live with myself."
    She turned away, because she understood too well. "Once, when I was nine or ten, I wandered off. We were at the cabin for the summer and I wanted to explore. I thought I knew the forest so well. But I got lost. I spent a night under a tree. When Mom and Dad found me the next afternoon they were frantic.
    I've never seen my father cry, not like that."
    "Then you know why I can't just turn my back on them."
    "Yes, of course." She managed to smile as she faced him. "I'm sorry I caused such a scene before."
    "Don't."
    "No, really, I am. I didn't have any right to say the things I said." But, try as she might, she couldn't apologize for decking him. "I can't begin to understand what it must have been like for you all these weeks. Trying to fit in and bide your time until Cal came back."
    "It wasn't so hard. I had you."
    "Yes." She lifted a hand to his cheek, let it fall away. "I'm glad you did. I want you to know that."
    "Sunny-"
    "So when do you go?" Deliberately she moved out of reach. If he touched her, however gently, she might shatter.
    "Tomorrow."
    She had to lock her knees to keep them from buckling. "So soon?"
    "I thought it best, for everyone."
    She wondered that her smile didn't crack her face. "I'm sure you're right. But you'll want to spend a little more time with Cal. You've come a long way."
    "I'll talk to him in the morning. And to Libby," he added. "I want to set things right with her."
    Now the smile came more easily. "They're good for each other. You see that, don't you?"
    "I'd have to be blind not to."
    "Science and logic aside, sometimes emotions are the most accurate equations." Feeling stronger, she held out her hand. "I'd like to stay the night, here with you."
    He brought her close, struggling not to crush her against him. "I'll come back." When she shook her head, he pulled her away. The passion was in his eyes again, and the anger. "I will. I swear it. I need a little more time, to test. I managed to work it out this far in only two years. With another two, I can make it smoother, until it's as basic as a shuttle to Mars."
    "A shuttle to Mars," she repeated.
    "Just trust me," he told her, drawing her back.
    "When I work it all out we'll have more time together."
    "More time," she murmured, and shut her eyes.

CHAPTER 12
    She left before he awakened. It seemed the best way. She hadn't slept at all. She had lain awake during the night trying to find the best way.
    He had put music on, something dreamy and beautiful by a composer she hadn't heard of. Because he had yet to be born. He had adjusted the lights so that the cabin had been washed with simulated moonbeams.
    To add romance. She understood that now, loved him for it. He had wanted to give her everything it was possible for him to give her on that last night. And he had given her everything but what she wanted most. A future.
    It occurred to her as she thought over the twist her life had taken that up until this point all her decisions had been black-and-white. A choice was either right or wrong. But this time, this most important time, there were dozens of shades in between.
    She drove back to the cabin slowly. How could she have said goodbye again? Some pains could not be