Too Far 05 - Simple Perfection

tonight?” He didn’t know that I had this figured out and I preferred that we keep it that way.
    Every night he went out for a drink he came back around two in the morning smelling like perfume. He would have made a horrible cheating husband.
    “I want to order a pizza and watch cable. Go, do what you want,” I told him as I walked into the room.
    “Thanks,” he said, stepping in behind me.
    “No problem. I need a shower. You leaving now?” I asked, taking my bag from his hands and heading for the bathroom.
    “Yeah, I think so.”
    “See you in the morning,” I told him. I stepped into the bathroom and closed the door behind me. I waited until I heard the hotel room door close and he had sufficient time to get away before I let the tears come. I’d been holding them back for hours. Crying didn’t make the pain easier, but for that one moment I could lose myself in my sorrow. I didn’t have to hide it. I could let it out freely.
    Deep down, I knew what I had done was right. I’d let Woods go. My fear that I would hurt him no longer haunted me. He was okay. He was living his life and he would find that someone who could be his perfect fit. What we’d had was never going to be perfect. Love should be simple. I wasn’t simple.
    Woods deserved someone like Blaire Finlay. He needed a woman by his side who could pull out a gun and take care of herself. A wife who could give him babies that he could love and know they would be mentally healthy. The fear that their mother could snap would never be there.
    I would never be a Blaire. I wanted to be more than I wanted my next breath, but it would never happen. I wasn’t Woods’s simple perfection. He would find it one day with someone else. Maybe one day I would find a way to be happy again. Maybe living life would help me find my place.
    I refused to believe I would end up damaged like my mother. I might not have been wife-and-mother material, but I was a person. I could be something. I could make a difference in this world. I just had to find out what that something was. Thinking about Woods and his disinterest in finding me wasn’t doing me any good. Crying wasn’t healing me.
    It was time I healed myself. I didn’t need a man to hold my hand and cuddle me. I needed to do this on my own. Woods had wanted to help me and I’d wanted someone to cling to.
    Tripp and I had pooled our money together and it had been enough for a while, but it wouldn’t last forever. It was time Tripp went back to his place in South Carolina and I found a life. One that I lived alone. One in which I depended on myself.
    I stood up and turned on the shower and undressed. I would wash away my tears and I wouldn’t allow myself to do this again. There was a bravery inside of me that I was going to find and nurture.

Woods
    I sat outside on my balcony with a beer in one hand and my phone in the other. Tripp called at nine every night. It was the only way I kept myself sane. Listening to him tell me about what she was doing, what she was saying, and even what she was wearing was the only way I held on to my last shreds of sanity.
    The moment Tripp’s name lit up the screen I answered.
    “Hey, how is she?” I didn’t care about small talk. I had decided not to find Tripp and break all the limbs from his body when he’d called me the first time and promised to keep me updated on Della. He said she needed time to deal with things and I needed to give her that. I was trying like hell but I wanted to go to her. Every time he told me which city they were in, I fought the need to jump on a plane.
    “She was quiet today. Didn’t talk much and couldn’t wait to get rid of me. She’s depressed but this is just another stage for her.”
    “Where are you now?”
    “Memphis.”
    “Are you checked into a hotel?”
    “Yeah. She’s in the room. I’m out, giving her some space tonight.”
    Giving her space? Alone, in a strange city? “What the fuck are you thinking? You can’t leave her alone! If she’s been quiet she may be closing in on herself. You can’t leave her alone. She’ll need someone to bring her back. She can’t—”
    “Woods! Calm down, man. Calm down.” Tripp’s voice was commanding.
    “She can’t be alone,” I said again as emotion lodged in my throat. I hated to think of her alone.
    “She needs to be alone. She needs to cry. She needs to decide if giving you this freedom she thinks you need is going to be possible. Her leaving is all about you, Woods.