Touched by an Alien

avoiding the missiles sounded like the best idea. Christopher was yanking on the stick, and I realized he hadn’t been kidding—he was causing the jet to do things I was pretty sure it wasn’t supposed to.
    It required a lot of strength, but I managed to counter him. I shifted a bit so he could see the monitor. He moved the stick hard, and we banked to the right. As I countered, a missile whizzed past us.
    “This is a lot more fun to watch than to experience.”
    “How many unfriendlies do we have?” Christopher’s tone was brisk. He had his Commander hat on. I decided not to argue.
    “If the flashing red dots are any indication, we have four.”
    “Great.”
    We kept on managing to dodge, but we weren’t lucking out like they did in the movies. We also hadn’t put on parachutes. “Where’s our miraculous backup coming from?”
    Christopher managed to laugh. It was a bitter laugh, sure, but still, a laugh. “I don’t think we have backup, Kitty, unless you count the missiles.”
    No sooner had he said this than the missile on our tail exploded. I looked back at the screen. “There are three green dots now.” I looked around—Americans actually marked their radio buttons. I hit it, hoping it worked like the intercom had. “Hello?”
    “Commander White, HQ requests you advise us the next time you and Miss Katt decide to take flight.” That voice sounded familiar.
    “Hey, were you just fighting the fuglies with us?”
    “Yes. Is the Commander with you?”
    “Yes,” Christopher called. “Look, this is hard enough. Are you able to take out the rest of those missiles?”
    The air shattered with explosions. We lost a bit of control, if you define a bit as a terrifying nose dive we just managed to pull out of. I looked at the monitor—no more flashing red dots. “We’ll take that as a yes. Consider us droolingly grateful.”
    “Can either one of you actually fly?”
    “Ummm … define fly.”
    I heard cursing over the radios. “How do you expect to land?”
    “We’re hoping for fairy dust. Got any on you?”
    One of the voices chuckled. “Little lady, relax. It’s like lickin’ butter off a knife.”
    Christopher groaned. “She doesn’t need the encouragement.”
    The relaxed voice spoke again. “I’m Jerry. What’s your name, honey?”
    I decided to not get offended. “Kitty.”
    “Miss Kitty, huh?” Who was this guy, Martini’s human counterpart? “Where you from, Miss Kitty?”
    “Pueblo Caliente. And, please, I’ve heard them all. What I haven’t heard is someone telling me how to land without dying.”
    “That’s okay,” Jerry said. “That’s why I’m talking to you.”
    “Where are you from, Jerry?”
    “San Diego, at least presently.”
    “Navy?”
    “Yes, ma’am.” This meant he was from the Top Gun school. I tried to envision Maverick or Iceman, but I kept on coming up with Goose. The one who died.
    “Jerry? Do you play volleyball shirtless?”
    “Only with ladies.”
    “Works for me. What the hell do I do? We’ve tried landing a couple of times, and we’re really good at bouncing.”
    Jerry chuckled again. He sounded very soothing. “No worries, little lady. I’ve taught a lot of boys and some girls how to fly. None of ’em crashed their first landings.”
    Oh, Jerry was an instructor . Suddenly this didn’t seem so terrifying. “Okay, I’m ready.”
    Jerry talked to me about the same way Christopher had, gave the same or similar instructions, in the same order. But I wasn’t worried. He did this all the time. Sure, his pilots came trained, but he’d probably trained a lot of beginners before he moved to Top Gun. I was in good hands.
    “Now, I’m coming down right next to you, right by your side,” Jerry said in his soothing drawl. “Sort of like we’re holding hands.”
    “Holding wings?”
    “Right.”
    “Don’t touch his wing!” Christopher sounded both freaked and jealous.
    “It was metaphorical.”
    “It was a come on.”
    Jerry chuckled again. “Commander, maybe you should try to relax. Miss Kitty’s doing just fine.” I started to like Jerry a lot. “Now, you know what we’re going to do, right, honey?”
    “Yes, I start pulling back a bit, and when the wheels hit, I pull back just enough so the nose stays up and the wheels stay down.”
    “You’re a natural. And I’ll be right next to you. You look over if you need to see if you’re right. Now, here we go.”
    We were moving slowly, per Jerry’s instructions. I