Trapped

draped in flat silken panels of royal and powder blue. She affected boredom as she waited for the Tuatha Dé Danann to assemble. When all seats had been filled, she turned her head to the gods in a dilatory manner and said, » All are present. You may proceed, sirs. «
    There are teachers out there who like to tell their students that the only difference between the Greek and the Roman gods is their names. This is patently untrue. Apart from the wings on their ankles, Hermes and Mercury have very little in common—and the same is true of every Olympian pair. The Greeks and Romans were different people, after all, and imagined their gods differently.
    Hermes lacked body fat to a rather indiscreet degree, and I desperately wanted to lob a cheeseburger in his general direction to see if he’d let it fall. There were ribs and veins showing, and some of the veins also appeared to have whipcord muscles of their own. His eyes were red-rimmed, haunted, and supported by baggage that wouldn’t fit easily in the overhead bin, but they were fixed professionally on Brighid’s defenses, unless I missed my guess. If the shit went down, Hermes would be ready. His hands were large, with square-cut, chunky fingers, like those in Frank Miller sketches, and his bare feet were also oversize. He had the skin tone of a mime and spoke like one too—that is, he let Mercury do all the talking. He held his caduceus in his right hand as if ready to brain someone with it.
    Mercury looked as if he’d just been shat out of a Milanese day spa. In modern popular imagination, his was the silhouette that delivered flowers quickly to your loved ones. Bronzed skin and whitened teeth made me suspect abnormally high levels of asshattery. His feet were sandaled, and he steepled his fingers together in front of his stomach before he spoke.
    » The gods Pan and Faunus and the goddesses Artemis and Diana demand the immediate return of the dryads kidnapped from the slopes of Mount Olympus. «
    Holy shit. I’d thought that Brighid’s herald was pompous, but Mercury was schooling him on that with every word. Oil and contempt practically dripped from his lips.
    » If they are harmed, « Mercury continued, » the life of the Druid Siodhachan Ó Suileabháin is forfeit, and blood price will be required of the Tuatha Dé Danann for not controlling him. His life may be forfeit anyway, « he added, » because the god Bacchus has sworn to slay him. «
    » Your gods and goddesses address their suit to the wrong party, « Brighid replied, » for we are not the Druid of whom you speak. Nor do we have any control over him. He is not our subject and we cannot be held responsible for his actions. « She turned to her assembled kin. » Do any of you have any knowledge whatsoever about these kidnapped dryads? «
    She let the silence linger for the space of ten heartbeats, then regarded the Olympians again. » There is your answer. «
    » We hear you and will deliver your message even so to Olympus. «
    » Before you go, a question, « Brighid said. » In case I am able to contact the Druid, is there any guarantee of his safe conduct if he returns the dryads? «
    The Olympians exchanged a glance, and Hermes gave Mercury the barest of nods.
    » He will be safe from all save Bacchus if he returns the dryads within the night, « Mercury said.
    Hermes finally chose to speak after all. His voice was a melodic aria struggling to break free of base speech, as if someone had shoved a wee creative genius into a gray suit and a grayer cubicle and told him to just fucking stay there forever. It was odd how the impeccably groomed Mercury could say » hello « and inspire visions of a quick strike to the sack, yet when Hermes spoke—the much rougher-looking of the pair—it was beautiful and sad and I wanted to buy him a beer so I could help him weep into it. » All the members of my pantheon are willing to forgive the trespass if the dryads are returned immediately, « he said.
    Well, that was it for me. I wanted to return the dryads immediately. So did Granuaile.
    » Atticus, let’s go, « she whispered.
    » Yeah, let’s. «
    We turned our backs on the Court as Brighid exchanged farewells with the Olympian messengers. We had a mission.
    » The faster we do this, the better off we’ll be, « I said to Granuaile once we were out of earshot. » While all the Olympians wait around for Hermes and Mercury to talk things over and send messages back and forth, we’ll get this done.