Treasures Lost, Treasures Found

wanted to hold her until there was no more pain for either of them, but he knew, if he pressed his body against hers now, he wouldn’t stop. Again he started to move, pulling away the hand that held hers. Again Kate stopped him.
    “I would’ve died if you hadn’t gotten me up.”
    “That’s why it’s smarter to dive with a partner.”
    “I might still have died if you hadn’t done everything you did.”
    He shrugged this off, too aware that the fingers on his face were stroking lightly, something she had done in the past. Sometimes before they’d made love, and often afterward, when they’d talked in quiet voices, she’d stroke his face, tracing the shape of it as though she’d needed to memorize it. Perhaps she, too, sometimes awoke in the middle of the night and remembered too much.
    Unable to bear it, Ky put his hand around her wrist and drew it away. “The wound wasn’t that bad,” he said simply.
    “I’ve never seen a stingray that large.” She shivered and his hand tightened on her wrist.
    “Don’t think about it now. It’s over.”
    Was it? she wondered as she lifted her head and looked into his eyes. Was anything ever really over? For four years she’d told herself there were joys and pains that could be forgotten, absorbed into the routine that was life as it had to be lived. Now, she was no longer sure. Sheneeded to be. More than anything else, she needed to be sure.
    “Hold me,” she murmured.
    Was she trying to make him crazy? Ky wondered. Did she want him to cross the border, that edge he was trying so desperately to avoid? It took most of the strength he had left just to keep his voice even. “Kate, you need to sleep now. In the morning—”
    “I don’t want to think about the morning,” she murmured. “Only now. And now I need you to hold me.” Before he could refuse, she slipped her arms around his waist and rested her head on his shoulder.
    She felt his hesitation, but not his one vivid flash of longing before his arms came around her. On a long breath Kate closed her eyes. Too much time had passed since she’d had this, the gentleness, the sweetness she’d experienced only with Ky. No one else had ever held her with such kindness, such simple compassion. Somehow, she never found it odd that a man could be so reckless and arrogant, yet kind and compassionate at the same time.
    Perhaps she’d been attracted to the recklessness, but it had been the kindness she had fallen in love with. Until now, in the quiet of the deep night, she hadn’t understood. Until now, in the security of his arms, she hadn’t accepted what she wanted.
    Life as it had to be lived, she thought again. Was taking what she so desperately needed part of that?
    She was so slender, so soft beneath the thin nightshirt. Her hair lay over his skin, loose and free, its color mutedin the dim light. He could feel her palms against his back, those elegant hands that had always made him think more of an artist than a teacher. Her breathing was quiet, serene, as he knew it was when she slept. The light scent of woman clung to the material of the nightshirt.
    Holding her didn’t bring the pain he’d expected but a contentment he’d been aching for without realizing it. The tension in his muscles eased, the knot in his stomach vanished. With his eyes closed, he rested his cheek on her hair. It seemed like a lifetime since he’d known the pleasure of quiet satisfaction. She’d asked him to hold her, but had she known he needed to be held just as badly?
    Kate felt him relax degree by degree and wondered if it had been she who’d caused the tension in him, and she who’d ultimately released it. Had she hurt him more than she’d realized? Had he cared more than she’d dared to believe? Or was it simply that the physical need never completely faded? It didn’t matter, not tonight.
    Ky was right. She knew the rules this time around. She wouldn’t expect more than he offered. Whatever he offered was much, much more than she’d had in the long, dry years without him. In turn, she could give what she ached to give. Her love.
    “It’s the same for me as it always was,” she murmured. Then, tilting her head back, she looked at him. Her hair streamed down her back, her eyes were wide and honest. He felt the need slam into him like a fist.
    “Kate—”
    “I never expected to feel the same way when I cameback,” she interrupted. “I don’t think I’d have come. I wouldn’t have had the