Unspoken

about Emma. But when he reached home, she once again dominated his thoughts. He called her even though he wasn’t supposed to. She sounded tired.
    “How are things going?”
    “Better. I picked up the kids from school today.”
    “That’s great.”
    “Yes.”
    Silence. Johan felt uneasiness settling in his stomach.
    “Have you talked to Olle?”
    “I’m at the house right now. He’s reading a story to the children.”
    “What are you doing there? Have you moved back in?”
    “No, but we have to be able to spend time together. You do understand that, don’t you?”
    She sounded annoyed, and she was speaking in a low voice, as if afraid that someone might hear.
    “So he’s not mad anymore?”
    “Of course he’s mad, but he has calmed down enough that we can talk, which means a lot to me. But I don’t want to risk causing any more trouble by talking to you right now. Bye!”
    Johan stared at the phone in bewilderment. At the same time the freezing temperature outdoors swiftly moved inside and took up lodging in his guts. All of a sudden she was giving priority to Olle again. She sounded as if he didn’t mean shit to her, and that threat sapped him of all energy. He couldn’t bear to lose her again.

WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 5
    Emma stared at the indicator in her hand. It just couldn’t be true. Did two intersecting blue stripes forming a plus sign really mean that she was pregnant? It had been so long since she’d done this sort of test. With a pounding heart she got out the package. The directions couldn’t be clearer. A blue line in the window meant not pregnant. Two blue lines intersecting meant pregnant. How could this be possible? She and Johan had slept together only once recently, two weeks ago. And she could hardly remember the last time she had slept with her husband. Frantically she searched her memory. When was the last time with Olle? It must have been last summer. She counted the months since then: August, September, October, November, December. Good Lord, that would make her five months pregnant, and she ought to be showing more than she was. But her period was only three weeks late, and she’d had regular periods all fall. She felt suddenly faint when she realized what that meant. It had to be Johan. That Friday in October. His work had brought him to Gotland, and he had called her up. She was feeling weak and had agreed to meet him at the newsroom before he went back home. They had made love on the sofa. Damn it. How could she have such incredible bad luck? The one time they had given in when they were supposed to be taking a break from each other, and she ended up pregnant. That kind of thing could only happen to her.
    She felt tears filling her eyes. This was more than she could take.
    She just about jumped out of her skin when someone knocked on the bathroom door. She heard Olle’s voice saying, “Emma, are you almost ready?”
    “Yes, just a minute.”
    She tossed the indicator and the empty package in the wastebasket. She couldn’t say anything about this right now. She needed time to think. Quickly she washed her hands and opened the door.
    “What’s wrong? Why are you so pale?” Olle gave her a worried look. “Are you sick?”
    “You might call it that. I’m pregnant.”

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 13
    Every seat was taken in Visby Cathedral on this morning to celebrate the Saint Lucia holiday. Knutas was sitting with Lina and Nils on the third pew to the right of the center aisle. The cross vaulting in the church ceiling high overhead and the magnificent arches cast long shadows, in contrast to the glow of hundreds of burning candles. The churchgoers were whispering quietly to each other as they waited with anticipation. Only an occasional cough or shuffling of feet from the pews broke the gentle murmuring.
    The Lucia procession in the cathedral was one of the high points of the year. Petra was one of the bridesmaids. She sang in the youth choir, which was now participating in this year’s Lucia procession, just as all the other choirs had done for as far back as anyone could remember. Knutas glanced through the brochure about the church as they waited for the event to begin. Construction of the St Maria Cathedral was started in the twelfth century with funds collected from the German ships that docked at Visby. In the beginning it was meant to serve only German merchants, but later it became the church of the entire German congregation. After the Reformation, it was opened