Until I Die

a Kleenex, I dabbed the corners of my eyes. “He said I might endanger the safety of the household.”
“Now, I can’t imagine him saying something like that,” Jeanne said unsurely, sitting down across from me and pushing a plate of homemade honey-scented madeleines my way. She thought for a moment and then seemed to relent. “Arthur and Violette are … how would you say … ‘old school,’ perhaps? They are from nobility. And where they once looked down on the peasants, they now feel the same way about humans. It doesn’t mean they aren’t good people. It just means they’re … snobs.”
I laughed, hearing Jeanne use the derogatory term. She was always so positive about everyone and everything. For her to call Violette and Arthur snobs must mean they were raging immortal bigots.
“They’re here to do good work, Kate. Even if they aren’t the most pleasant people, they know a lot and have been around longer than anyone else. And seeing their preference for isolation, I doubt they’ll stay for long. Before you know it, things will be back to normal.”
I nodded, munching on a cookie, and tried to reason that my own pride shouldn’t stand in the way of the safety of the group. It’s not like I deserved to be included in their most secret discussions. I was not a revenant. I was the exception to the rule. Who was I kidding? I didn’t belong.
I could feel my mood getting darker by the second. “I’m leaving,” I said, throwing my arms around Jeanne’s neck. “Thanks. It’s nice to talk to someone who understands. Sometimes I feel like I’m living in an alternate universe when I’m here.”
“Well, you basically are, chérie ,” Jeanne said as she let me go and tightened her apron. “You won’t be staying for dinner?”
“No. Please tell Vincent I went home, and that he can call me later,” I said. She gave me an understanding look and threw me an air-kiss from her position in front of the stove as I made my way out.
I wandered through the house and out the front door into the courtyard. Passing the angel fountain, I stepped inside and made my way across the empty basin to its figures. Angel. Human. Two separate entities carved out of one block of marble. I ran my fingers over the angel’s arm. It was as cold as Vincent’s when he was dead.

TEN
     
    THE DOORBELL RANG AS SOON AS I SAT DOWN ON my bed. A couple of seconds later there was a knock on my bedroom door.
“Katya, darling. It’s Vincent. He’s coming up.”
“Thanks, Mamie,” I said, opening the door. My grandmother stood before me, dressed in her “going-out” outfit of three-inch heels and a calf-length skirt. She didn’t have an ounce of fat on her, and her fashion choice boldly flaunted the best legs I had ever seen on a senior citizen.
“What’s wrong?” she asked, zoning in on my expression.
“Oh, nothing,” I said automatically, and then, seeing she wasn’t going to move until I answered, I asked, “Mamie, have you ever been in a situation where you were purposely made to feel like an outsider? Like you didn’t belong?”
Mamie crossed her arms over her waist and gazed at the ceiling. “Your grandfather’s family made me feel like that in the beginning. It was a case of his parents’ old money versus my family’s new money, and they made me feel like an arriviste.”
“But that changed?”
“Yes. When they saw that I didn’t give a hoot what they thought about me. I think that was one reason your grandfather fell for me. I was the only woman who ever had the guts to stand up to his mother.”
I couldn’t help but smile.
Mamie took my hand. Her gardenia perfume hadn’t changed since I was a little girl, and the fragrance made me feel grounded. She had known me my whole life. She’d been there in the hospital when I was born.
And even so, I can’t tell her what is really bothering me , I thought. I trusted Mamie with my life but couldn’t imagine how she would react if I told her what Vincent was. If she even believed me and didn’t take me to a psychiatrist on the spot. Her goal was to protect me, and I was guessing that the job of protecting your granddaughter would not involve allowing her to date a revenant.
“This transition must be hard for you,” I heard Mamie saying. I refocused on her concerned face. “Moving from Brooklyn to Paris. Starting a new school. Making new friends. It probably feels like you’re living in a whole new world. Perhaps a scary one at that.”
As I let her hug