Wedding Night

surreal. I was about to have the hottest sex of my life. I was about to consummate my marriage. And instead I’m having a kiwi fruit peeled for me by a sixty-year-old man in a braided jacket while a harpist twangs “Love Changes Everything.”
    I’ve never really been one for the harp. But this one is making me want to hurl my basket of mini-croissants at it.
    “Please. A loving-cup toast, to celebrate your marriage.” Georgios gestures at our champagne flutes. Obediently, we link arms to sip our champagne, and with no warning Georgios throws a handful of pink confetti over us. I splutter in shock. Where did
that
come from? A moment later there’s a flash in my face and I realize Georgios has taken a photo.
    “A commemorative photograph,” he says gravely. “We will present it in a leather-bound album. Compliments of the management.”
    What?
I stare at him in horror. I don’t want a commemorative photo of me looking hungover and disheveled with confetti stuck to my lip.
    “Eat,” Ben whispers in my ear. “Quick. Then they’ll go.”
    That’s a point. I reach for the teapot, and Georgios leaps forward reprovingly.
    “Madame. Let me.” He pours me a cup of tea and I take a couple of gulps. I swallow some kiwi fruit, then clutch my stomach.
    “Mmm. Delicious! But I’m stuffed.”
    “Me too.” Ben nods. “It’s been a great breakfast, but maybe you could clear it away now?”
    Georgios hesitates, seeming reluctant.
    “Sir, madame, I have for you a special egg dish. They are the finest, double-yolk eggs, prepared with saffron—”
    “No, thanks. No eggs. None.” Ben stares Georgios down. “No. Eggs. Thank you.”
    “Of course, sir,” says Georgios at last. He nods at the girl, who comes to a hasty final cadence, stands up, bows, then starts trundling her harp away. The two butlers pack the trays up and remove them to a trolley outside. Then Georgios appears back in the bedroom area.
    “Mr. and Mrs. Parr, I hope you have enjoyed the Champagne Breakfast with Music. Now I will await your command. I am at your disposal entirely. No request is too large or too small.” He waits expectantly.
    “Great,” says Ben off-puttingly. “Tell you what, we’ll call you.”
    “I await your command,” repeats Georgios, and withdraws, shutting the doors to the bedroom.
    Ben and I just look at each other. I feel a bit hysterical.
    “Oh my God.”
    “Fucking hell.” Ben rolls his eyes. “That’s a first.”
    “Didn’t you want your eggs?” I say teasingly. “They’ve got saffron, you know.”
    “I know what I want.” He pushes down the straps of my cami, and just the feel of him sends sparks of lust through me.
    “Me too.” I reach for him and he gives a little shudder.
    “Where were we again?” His hands travel down under the covers, slow and purposeful. I’m so sensitive to his touch I can’t help moaning.
    His eyes are huge and urgent. His breathing is raspy. Now I’m pulling him toward me, and his lips are everywhere, and my mind is emptying as my body takes over. OK, here we go.
Here
we go. I’m making sounds and so is he, and it’s going to happen, it’s really going to happen.… I’m going to explode … come on, come
on
.…
    And then I freeze. I can hear a sound. A rustling sound. Just outside the bedroom door.
    In reflex, I shove Ben away and sit up, every sense on alert.
    “Stop! Stop it. Listen.” I can barely frame the words properly. “He’s still here.”
    “What?” Ben’s face is contorted with desire, and I’m not sure he’s understanding anything I’m saying.
    “He’s still here!” I bat Ben’s hand off my breast and gesture frantically at the door. “The butler! He hasn’t left!”
    “What?”
A murderous scowl comes over Ben’s face. He swings his legs round and gets out of bed, totally naked.
    “You can’t go out like that!” I squeak. “Put on a robe.”
    Ben’s scowl becomes yet more murderous. He shrugs on a terry-cloth dressing gown and throws open the door to the bedroom. Sure enough, there’s Georgios, arranging glasses neatly on the cocktail bar.
    “Ah, Georgios,” says Ben. “I think you misunderstood. Thanks very much. That will be all for now. Thank you.”
    “I understand, sir.” Georgios makes a little bow. “I await your command.”
    “Right.” I can sense Ben’s temper starting to fray. “Well, my command is for you to go. Leave the room. Go.
Adiós
.” He makes a shooing motion. “Leave