600 Hours of Edward

heeeeaaaar you, Edward.”
    Holy shit!
    I open the door.
    Donna Middleton is not wearing her nurse’s scrubs, even though Sunday is a day she works. She is wearing a jacket and gloves. Behind her, Kyle is sitting on the Blue Blaster.
    “Hi, Edward,” Donna says. “I’m off today. We thought you might want to come outside for a while.”
    “I—”
    “No way!” Kyle says, standing up and pointing at my chest. I look down at my white Tony Romo jersey.
    “The Cowboys suck. Denver rules.”
    “Kyle!” Donna Middleton snaps, looking over her shoulder at him. She then turns back to me. “I hate it when he says ‘sucks.’”
    “You don’t know, Kyle!” I say. “Dallas doesn’t suck. Dallas has won five Super Bowls and gone to eight. Denver hasn’t done that.”
    “Edward! You’re fighting with a little boy,” Donna says.
    “He started it by saying Dallas sucks,” I say, and then I shout again at Kyle, “Dallas doesn’t suck!”
    “He started it? Edward, he’s nine.”
    “So what? What are you doing here, anyway?”
    “We thought you might want to come out and watch the Blue Blaster, but that was obviously a bad idea.”
    “Yes, it was. I’m busy, and you shouldn’t be here.”
    Donna looks shocked, and then she looks mad. “Don’t worry about it, we’ll leave.”
    “Good.”
    “Let’s go, Kyle.” They leave, hand in hand.
    The Blue Blaster stays.
    – • –
    I sit down for the second half of the Dallas Cowboys’ game against the New York Giants, but I don’t really watch. What difference doesit make? The Dallas Cowboys are stupid. Donna Middleton is stupid, and her stupid kid says stupid things. The whole world is stupid.
    – • –
    By 10:00, I’m still frustrated, but I decide that I’m calm enough to at least try to watch tonight’s episode of
Dragnet
. It’s called “The Big Bookie,” and it’s one of my favorites.
    This episode, which originally aired on April 13, 1967, is one of the few in which Officer Bill Gannon isn’t Sergeant Joe Friday’s partner. This is because the case that’s being worked is in North Hollywood, where Officer Bill Gannon apparently worked for many years, and so there is concern that he will be identified if he is working undercover.
    For this episode, Sergeant Joe Friday is paired up with Sergeant William Riddle, who is also the department’s chaplain.
    Sergeants Joe Friday and William Riddle are investigating a bookmaking operation, and they’re posing as surveyors who frequent a bar, where they try to win the confidence of the bartender, who sets up the bets. Meanwhile, Officer Bill Gannon stakes out the home office, where the bets come in.
    Eventually, the gambling ring is busted, and Sergeants Joe Friday and William Riddle take the bartender, Richard Clinger (played by Bobby Troup), to jail.
    It turns out that Richard Clinger has a little girl with a bad heart, and she dies while he is in jail. He calls Sergeants Joe Friday and William Riddle and asks if they can help him make the funeral arrangements, since he is in jail.
    He says he wants a nice service for his little girl and asks if they know anyone who can do that for him.
    Sergeant Joe Friday tells him, “We have someone,” then gives him a nice pat on the arm.
    And so it is that I am sitting here, in the living room, crying. And I cannot stop.
    – • –
    Donna:
    I wish I could tell you why I cannot speak to you. I suppose I could, but somehow, I think you would think less of me if you knew that I had signed an agreement not to. Perhaps it’s better that you just think I am mean.
    I wish I had not yelled at Kyle. You were right: That was childish, and when I tell Dr. Buckley about it, I bet she will tell me the same thing. I am not feeling very secure about the Dallas Cowboys these days, and I overreacted.
    It would be easier for me if you would just quit coming around here. Then I would not have to be mean and I would not have to see the disappointment in your face. And perhaps I would not be so disappointed in myself.
    Maybe you could think about this the next time you’re tempted to come over and knock on the door.
    Regards,
    Edward Stanton
    Just before midnight, I slip outside and see the Blue Blaster still sitting in my front yard. I quietly roll it up the driveway and put it inside the garage.

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 3
    Donna Middleton and Kyle have just told me the funniest story, and we are all laughing hard. I don’t think I have ever laughed so much.
    I glance