600 Hours of Edward

don’t get to have coffee or share a conversation. But it’s in the way you feel about him—that you can have happy memories instead of sad ones. When someone asks you about your father, you can talk about what a warm, good man he was, not how he made you feel at times. That’s what he has given you. Do you understand what I’m saying?”
    “I think so.”
    “Think of it this way: When I ask what you’re thinking about your father, what do you say?”
    “I miss him.”
    “Why do you miss him?”
    “Because I love him, and because I know he cared about me.”
    “How do you know?”
    “Because he told me.”
    “Exactly. That’s the gift.”
    Dr. Buckley is a very logical woman. She knows how to look at things in just the right way.
    “I get it,” I say. “Now, tell me about how
Dragnet
figures in.”
    – • –
    Dr. Buckley is right:
Dragnet
does figure in.
    She asks me when I started watching
Dragnet
. It was 1994. I was changing channels and came across it on the TV Land network. I was immediately struck by Sergeant Joe Friday. Eventhough he is fictitious, he is the only person I’ve ever known who cares about facts as much as I do. Sergeant Joe Friday isn’t interested in anything except the facts. That’s the way I am.
    But Dr. Buckley explains that it’s more than that. As my relationship with my father deteriorated, culminating with the “Garth Brooks incident,” my relationship with the fictitious Sergeant Joe Friday intensified. I began to see in him something virtuous, a quality I no longer saw in my father. That’s what Dr. Buckley says.
    “Sergeant Friday perhaps became your father figure,” Dr. Buckley says.
    That seems strange to me.
    “But Sergeant Joe Friday never married,” I say. “He didn’t have any children.”
    “He’s also not real,” Dr. Buckley says. “That’s why he’s a symbol. He’s not the real thing. Your father was.”
    “Are you saying I spend too much time with
Dragnet
?” It seems impossible to me that anyone could, but if Dr. Buckley says so, I might have to consider it. Dr. Buckley is a very logical woman.
    “No, not at all,” she says. “Believe me, there are far worse ways you could spend a half hour a day. Watch
Dragnet
all you like. But you have a father. Maybe you could just let Sergeant Joe Friday catch the bad guys. That’s his job.”
    Dr. Buckley is a very logical woman.
    – • –
    Finally, we talk about Donna Middleton. I tell Dr. Buckley about the memorandum of understanding that my father made me sign, about how I pushed Donna away when she tried to talk to me about my father’s death, about the episode out on my front lawn Sunday when I yelled at Donna and Kyle.
    “You’ve not told her about the document you signed?” Dr. Buckley asks.
    “No.”
    “Can you understand, then, how she might be confused about your actions toward her?”
    “Yes.”
    I then tell Dr. Buckley that my mother fixed it with Jay L. Lamb where the memorandum of understanding is no longer in force and that my mother is proud of me for having a friend.
    “But I don’t know what to think,” I say. “I saw Donna getting into her car this morning, and I’m pretty sure she saw me, too. I waved at her, but she just stood there for a few seconds, then got in the car and drove away.”
    “You’re not sending her a very clear signal, Edward. First, you’re her friend and you go to court with her. Then you’re not her friend and you push her away. Then you yell at her little boy. Then you wave at her. What do you expect her to think?”
    “I don’t know.”
    “I want you to consider something. Your friend’s feelings are probably hurt, and given what she has been through in her life, she may be asking herself whether she can trust you.”
    “She can.”
    “Yes, but you can’t be the one who convinces her of that now, not after all of this. I think you need to give her some space. I think you need to prepare yourself for the possibility that she won’t be your friend. Do you think you can do that?”
    “Yes,” I say. I am sad. “I don’t want to, but if Donna Middleton doesn’t want to be my friend, I will accept that.”
    “Good. We’ll talk about this more.”
    – • –
    “It’s been quite a week for you, Edward,” Dr. Buckley says. “What are you going to do now?”
    “I don’t know. Go back to the things I’ve always done. Find a new project.”
    “Anything else?”
    “No, I don’t think so.”
    “I’m going to be