A Darkness in My Soul

God!
        
    WHAT IS IT? WHAT IS THE MATTER?
        
        No! You'll spoil it/me! I can't! Don't you see my station, my purpose, my nature? It must be my purpose! I haven't got another one, there isn't another one, this must be it! Get away from me! No!
        
    WHAT IS IT? WHO DO YOU SEE?
        
        Melinda. Floating, naked. Floating toward the cross. No!
        Stay away! You'll spoil my purpose!
        
    STOP IT.
        
        Help! Help me! Don't let her touch me! Forgod'ssakeshe'snaked… naked… nakednakednakednaked!
        
    STOP DREAMING! WAKE! LISTEN TO ME; HOLD
    YOURSELF TOGETHER AND LISTEN TO ME.
    IQUIET. COMPOSE YOURSELF. I WILL INTERPRET YOUR DREAM. THOUGH I MUST SAY THAT
    THIS THROWS A NEW LIGHT ON YOUR PSYCHE.
    DO YOU SEE WHY YOU ARE THE ONE ON THE
    CROSS? NO NEED FOR AN ANSWER, PURELY
    RHETORICAL. YOU SEE YOURSELF AS CHRISTWHAT A NEW DEVELOPMENT!-MORE PRECISELY, AS THE INCARNATION OF CHRIST AS REPRESENTED BY THE SECOND COMING. THERE
    ARE PARALLELS, OF COURSE, BETWEEN YOUR
    CONDITION AND THE STORY OF THE CHRIST.
    YOU COULD SAY THAT YOUR OWN BIRTH WAS A
    VIRGIN BIRTH, FOR EXAMPLE. YOU WERE NOT
    CONCEIVED BY FLESH IN FLESH AND THE SPILLING OF SEED, BUT BY THE GENETIC ENGINEERS
    AND THE COMPLEX CYBERNETIC ARTIFICIAL
    WOMBS. AND THERE ARE YOUR SUPER-HUMAN
    POWERS. PERHAPS THEY ARE NOT AS ALL-ENCOMPASSING AS THOSE OF THE CHRIST MYTH,
    BUT THEY ARE SUFFICIENTLY STRONG TO NURTURE YOUR DELUSIONS.
    YOU WERE NOT ABLE TO SEE A PURPOSE TO
    YOUR LIFE, SO YOU CHOSE TO CAST YOURSELF
    IN THE ROLE OF A SAVIOUR. IT SERVES A DOUBLE PURPOSE: FIRST, IT REINFORCES ALL YOUR
    CHRISTIAN MORES, ALL THE THINGS THEY
    THOUGHT YOU SHOULD BELIEVE AS YOU WERE
    RAISED (THOUGH THEY WERE AS INTERESTED
    IN SUPPLYING YOU WITH MORES THAT WOULD
    KEEP YOU IN LINE AS MUCH AS THEY CARED
    ABOUT YOUR HAVING A CHRISTIAN UPBRINGING); SECONDLY, IT GIVES A PURPOSE AND
    MEANING NOT ONLY TO YOUR LIFE BUT TO THE
    ENTIRE UNIVERSE WHICH SOMETIMES SEEMS
    UNEXPLAINABLY CHAOTIC TO YOU-THE WARS
    AND THE SUFFERING, THE REST OF IT.
        
     I am thirsty.
        
    IN A MOMENT. I MUST FINISH WITH THIS FIRST.
    YOU SEE MORSFAGEN CASTING DICE, FOR HE
    DESPISED AND ONLY USES YOU FOR HIS OWN
    ENDS. THE CLOAK SYMBOLIZES YOUR LIFE,
    YOUR PURPOSE, YOUR INDIVIDUAL IDENTITY.
    THERE SEEMS TO BE A HINT OF THE FUTURE IN
    YOUR DREAM, A MOMENT OF CLAIRVOYANCE,
    AND YOU SHOULD BEWARE THE MAN.
        
        Go on.
        
    YOU SEE CHILD AS A THREAT TO YOUR NEATLY BUILT THEORY. HE IS ANOTHER VIRGIN
    BIRTH, OF THE ORIGIN THAT YOU ARE OF. YOU
    REALIZE THAT HE HAD BUILT THE SAME SECOND-COMING THEORY TO EXPLAIN HIS OWN
    PURPOSE IN THE WORLD. YOU UNDERSTAND
    THAT SINCE HE HAS MET YOU, HIS LIFE PURPOSE HAS BEEN SHATTERED AND THAT HE IS
    HUNTING FOR ANOTHER ANSWER. YOU DON'T
    WANT TO HAVE TO DO THAT YOURSELF. YOU
    DON'T WANT TO HUNT.
    THE WOMAN, MELINDA, IS ALSO A THREAT TO
    YOUR PURPOSE (OR, RATHER, TO THE FANTASY
    PURPOSE YOU HAVE CREATED FOR YOURSELF).
    CHRIST COULD NOT FALL PHYSICALLY IN LOVE
    WITH A WOMAN. BUT YOU HAVE. ADMIT IT. THIS
    IS YOUR PURPOSE IN LIFE. LISTEN AND KNOW
    THAT YOUR PURPOSE IS TO LOVE AND COMFORT
    AND TO BE LOVED IN RETURN. OTHERWISE, YOU
    FACE ONLY SCHIZOPHRENIA.
        
        Could that be a purpose, though?
        
    IT IS THE OLDEST PURPOSE. WASH YOURSELF
    CLEAN OF FALSE PURPOSES. ALLOW ME TO ESTABLISH A SERIES OF PERSONALITY TAPES TO
    REINFORCE YOUR FALTERING SENSE OF REALITY AND TO SUBDUE THIS CHRIST SYNDROME.
    THE REASON YOU LIVE IS TO LOVE. SO IT IS
    WITH MOST HUMAN BEINGS. DON'T SEARCH
    FOR A LARGE PURPOSE, FOR MORE COMPLEX
    MEANINGS, FOR THE WHY OF THE WORLD OR
    THE REASON IN HATE AND WAR. BE SATISFIED
    THAT YOU KNOW YOURSELF. IT IS A WISE MAN
    WHO KNOWS HIMSELF.
    WE WILL PROCEED WITH THE HEALING
    NOW…
        

    VII
        
        The following morning, as I stepped out of the elevator near the top of the AC complex, Harry intercepted me before I had taken more than four steps toward the room where Child waited for another session. His round face was drawn, pale, and lined with heavy creases that had not been there before. He looked as if he had not slept all night. A cursory examination of his rumpled clothes and withered shirt collar was proof of that. He grasped my arm, digging his fingers in until it hurt, and steered me across the corridor to an unused office, pushed me inside, followed, and closed the door behind us.
        "Cloak and dagger?" I asked. It was amusing to see him engaged in