A Darkness More Than Night

her neck and pulled her toward him and kissed her on the cheek. Over the top of her head he saw Raymond watching them with a scared look on his face.
    “We’ve talked about this, Graci,” he began. “You have it in your head that we can’t have our home and our family and everything else if this is what I do. The problem is in that word ‘if.’ That is the mistake here. Because there is no ‘if’ here. It’s not ‘if this is what I do.’ It is what I do. And I’ve gone too long thinking otherwise, trying to convince myself of something else.”
    More tears came and she held the napkin to her face. She cried silently but McCaleb was sure people in the restaurant had noticed and were watching them instead of the television above them. He checked on Raymond and saw the boy was back to playing the video game.
    “I know,” Graciela managed to say.
    He was surprised by her acknowledgment. He took it as a good sign.
    “So then what do we do? I’m not talking about just now and this case. I mean, for now and forever. What do we do? Graci, I am tired of trying to be what I’m not and of ignoring the thing inside that I know is what I am truly all about. It took this case to finally make me realize it and admit it to myself.”
    She didn’t say anything. He wasn’t expecting her to.
    “You know I love you and the kids. That’s not the issue. I think I can have both and you think I can’t. You’ve adopted this one-or-the-other attitude and I don’t think it’s right. Or fair.”
    He knew his words were hurting her. He was drawing a line. One of them had to capitulate. He was saying it wasn’t going to be him.
    “Look, let’s think about this. This isn’t a good place to talk. What I am going to do is finish my work on this thing and then we’ll sit down and talk about our future. Is that okay?”
    She slowly nodded but didn’t look at him.
    “You do what you have to do,” she said in a tone McCaleb knew would make him feel guilty forever. “I just hope you’ll be careful.”
    He pulled himself over and kissed her again.
    “I’ve got too much here with you not to be.”
    He got up and came around the table to the baby. He kissed her on top of the head and then unhitched the chair’s safety belt and lifted her out.
    “I’ll take her down to the cart,” he said. “Why don’t you get Raymond?”
    He carried the baby down to the cart and secured her in the safety seat. He put her bouncing chair in the rear storage compartment. Graciela came down with Raymond a few minutes later. Her eyes were swollen from the crying. McCaleb put his hand on Raymond’s shoulder and walked him to the front passenger seat.
    “Raymond, you’re going to have to watch the second game without me. I have some work I have to do.”
    “I can go with you. I can help you.”
    “No, it’s not a charter.”
    “I know, but I can still help you.”
    McCaleb knew Graciela was looking at him and he felt the guilt like the sun on his back.
    “Thanks but maybe next time, Raymond. Put on your seat belt.”
    Once the boy was safely in, McCaleb stepped back from the cart. He looked at Graciela, who was no longer looking at him.
    “Okay,” he said. “I’ll be back as soon as I can. And I’ll have the phone with me if you want to call.”
    Graciela didn’t acknowledge him. She pulled the cart away from the curb and headed up Marilla Avenue. He watched them until they were out of sight.

Chapter 33
    On the walk back to the pier his cell phone chirped. It was Jaye Winston returning his call. She was talking very quietly and said she was calling from her mother’s house. McCaleb had difficulty hearing so he sat down on one of the benches along the casino walk. He leaned forward with his elbows on his knees, one hand holding the phone tightly to one ear, his other hand clasped over the other.
    “We missed something,” he said. “I missed something.”
    “Terry, what are you talking about?”
    “In the murder book. In Gunn’s arrest record. He was -”
    “Terry, what are you doing? You’re off the case.”
    “Says who, the FBI? I don’t work for them anymore, Jaye.”
    “Then says me. I don’t want you getting any further -”
    “I don’t work for you, either, Jaye. Remember?”
    There was a long silence on the phone.
    “Terry, I don’t know what you are doing but it’s got to stop. You have no authority, no standing in this case anymore. If those guys Twilley and Friedman find out you’re still