A Lonely Resurrection

watch. It was almost five. The sun would be coming up soon.
    “We should get going,” I said.
    She nodded. I paid the bill and we left.
    Outside it was damp but not raining. The lamplights on Roppongi-dori created glowing cones of slowly swirling mist. It was as late as it could get without getting early, and the street was momentarily silent.
    “Walk me home?” she asked, looking at me.
    I nodded. “Sure.”
    Halfway through the twenty-minute walk it started raining again.
    “Droga!”
she swore in Portuguese. “I left the umbrella at Tantra.”
    “Shoganai,”
I said, turning up the collar of my blazer. What can you do.
    We walked faster. It started to rain harder. I brushed my fingers through my hair and felt rivulets trickling down the back of my neck.
    With about half a kilometer to go, a huge crack of thunder rang out and it really started pouring.
    “Que merda!”
she exclaimed with a laugh. “We’re doomed!”
    We ran for it, but to no real avail. We got to her apartment and ducked under the overhang in front of the rear entranceway.
“Meu Deus,”
she said, laughing, “I haven’t gotten drenched like that in forever!” She unbuttoned her dripping coat, then looked at me and smiled. “Once you’re already wet, it’s actually kind of nice.”
    Wisps of vapor were rising off her damp dress. “You’re steaming,” I observed.
    She glanced down, then back at me. She pushed a few strands of clinging hair back from her face. “That run made me warm,” she said.
    I wiped water from my face and thought,
Time to go.
    But I remained.
    “Thanks for an interesting evening,” she said, after a pause. “You’re not a bad guy, for a stalker.”
    I gave her a half smile. “That’s what people tell me.”
    There was an odd moment of quiet. Then she stepped in close and hugged me, her face against my shoulder.
    I was surprised. My arms moved reflexively around her.
    Just a little comfort,
I thought.
You were rough on her before. Let her go feeling good.
    I was distantly aware that this sounded like a rationalization. It troubled me vaguely. Ordinarily, I get along well without.
    I could feel her soft shape, the heat of her, conducted with electric clarity through the wet of our clothes.
    I felt my body responding. I knew she felt it, too.
Ah, shit.
    She lifted her head from my shoulder. Her mouth was very close to my ear. “Come inside,” she whispered.
    The last person I’d gotten involved with when I should have treated her only as an asset was Midori. I was still paying the price on that one.
    Don’t be stupid again,
I thought.
Don’t get too close. Don’t blur the line.
    But the thoughts were disconnected. No one seemed to be listening.
    She’s a bargirl. You don’t know where her loyalties lie.
    That one was unconvincing. No one had directed her against me—I was the one who had been pursuing her. She hadn’t needed to warn me about the bugs. My gut told me she wasn’t dissembling.
    She put a hand on my chest. “You haven’t. . . been with someone for a long time,” she said.
    I reminded myself this was part of the reason I’ve lived so long.
    “Why do you say that?” I asked.
    “I can tell. The way you look at me.”
    Her hand pressed closer. “I can feel your heart,” she said.
    Between her hand over my heart and her hips at my crotch, she might as well have been administering a polygraph.
    I looked out at the street beyond the overhang. The rain was coming in at gray angled streaks. One of my hands moved to her cheek. I closed my eyes. Her skin was wet from the rain and I thought of tears.
    She lifted her head and I felt the side of her face settle against mine. Her head moved up and down just slightly, as though in time to some music I could almost hear. I kept my eyes closed, thinking
Don’t do it, don’t be stupid.
    I could hear my own breath, flowing through my mouth, moving past my tongue and teeth.
    I started to pull back, sliding my wet cheek past hers. She moved one of her hands to the back of my neck and stopped me.
    I shifted my head slightly. The corners of our mouths brushed together. I felt her breath on my cheek.
    Then we were kissing. Her mouth was warm and soft. Our tongues entwined and simultaneously I thought
Oh, you fucking idiot
and
Oh, that feels so good.
    My hands found their way inside her coat to her waist. She took my face between her palms and kissed me harder.
    I squeezed her hips, then ran my hands up and over the curve of her ribs to her