Again (Brandy Jeffus)

staring at me. I feel self-conscious and nervously fidget with my hair, smoothing back the flyways I can feel.
    "Do you want to get a coffee or something downstairs? I can use a little caffeine boost right now." "Yeah, that sounds good. You have to buy though, since it’s your idea."
    I follow Eli out the door and we walk down the hall. I’ve been noticing that people regard Eli with unspoken respect and those with common sense were on their best behavior when Eli was near.
    Although, it’s more comfortable being around him, it’s still strange. We grab a couple of donuts and find a table.
    "Ah, so it is true about cops and donuts, huh?” I joke. Eli grins, takes a big bite from his and rolls his eyes.
    "So tell me how your night shift went? Don’t you get scared at night?" I ask, trying to make conversation.
    "Are you kidding? That hurts you think I'm so weak and such a pansy," Eli grins big and I return the smile. Flakes of donut glaze are near his mouth and instinctively I reach up and rub it off.
    The gesture, though miniscule in scale, startles me. From the look on Eli's face, he’s feeling the same way. My hand is frozen on his face, his stubble pricking my thumb in the slightest way. I stare into those sea green eyes and don’t flinch as he grabs my hand gently in his own.
    We stay that way for a minute. My hearts beats faster than a hummingbird's wings in flight. This overwhelming urge to reach over and kiss him consumes me. I want to taste his lips, run my fingers through his hair. I envision myself climbing in his lap just to breathe him in.
    His eyes are closed as he brings my hand closer to his mouth. His breath is warm as he exhales and lightly kisses my wrist.
    I feel a lump form in my throat and hot tears spring to my eyes. I’m partially mad that he has the gall to do that and partially ridiculously happy that he has shown such a sweet gentle affection.
    "Sorry," he whispers. His voice is low and raspy. He slowly lowers our hands to the table and releases mine. He gives an apologetic smile and shakes his head.
    "It sounds stupid, but sometimes I forget. When you're around it’s really easy to revert back to how things were. You're just easy to be around, despite the circumstances."
    His attention turns towards his coffee and donut and we finish our breakfast in silence. My heart and head is one mess of confusion. It may not be right, but it feels that way. I don’t want anything to do with him, but I do. I finish and take a deep breath.
    "You’re getting easier to be around, Eli. Don’t make apologies. Just keep being yourself. It's been a relief to have you around helping with Mama. I really do appreciate it."
    Eli nods slowly, "Anything for my favorite Jinks women. Where’s Tatum anyway?”
    "She went to Mama’s to shower and sleep."
    "Well don’t wake her up when you get home. You both take as long as you need to. I won't be needed for my next shift 'til tonight."
    We stand and suddenly Eli envelopes me in a hug. It feels so normal and I immediately wrap my arms around him. I lay my head on his chest and hear his heart beating slow and steady. This was my favorite place in the world long ago.
    "Thanks for having breakfast with me. I had a rough night to be honest and this was a really nice change of pace," he says, still holding on to me.
    "You’re welcome. Thank you, too."
    Eli releases me and gives a shy smile. Yup, things were starting to change.
    ***
    At the end of the week, Tatum and I stand at the airport terminal, waiting on her flight to board. She has on her fatigues and looks nervous, but excited. Her goodbye with Mama had brought tears to all of us.
    I realize then, how much I miss my little sister. The night before, I apologized to her during a sisterly pow-wow. I’ve been holding onto so much guilt for abandoning her in the middle of some of the hardest years a girl has to go through. We cried a lot, laughed more and by the end of the night I felt better about mine and my sister’s relationship.
    The announcement for her boarding comes on. We embrace fiercely and I take a deep breath to keep the tears from coming again.
    “Bonnie, I love you so much and you’re the best sister ever…but please don’t be an idiot about Eli, okay? Don’t be too stubborn that you don’t recognize that God is giving you guys a second chance” Tatum whispers in my ear. I smile and kiss her cheek.
    “I don’t know when you became so knowledgeable, baby sis. But I’ll try. I love