Alien in the Family

focus.”
    “I have no problem with my own authority, Reynolds. I have a big problem with yours, or what you think is yours.”
    “Guys, don’t force me to get tough with you.”
    “Keep pushing it, Martini. I’ll be glad to show you just how much authority I have over you and anything you want to do.”
    I stood up, turned my back to the rest of the room, and lifted my shirt up. Both of them stopped with their mouths open and turned to stare at my chest. I was in the A-C version of a WonderBra and the twins were looking particularly large and perky. The men looked like deer trapped in headlights. “Wow, now that I finally freaking have your attention, can the two of you stop fighting with each other and listen to me?”
    “Gah,” Martini said.
    “Ummm . . .” Chuckie sounded no more coherent.
    Martini recovered first. “Put your top down.” He was trying to sound growly but it was coming off more like an embarrassed, possessive hiss.
    “Ummm . . .” Chuckie hadn’t seen the twins in a while, but I could tell he wanted to get back in touch with them.
    “I want you two to listen to me, and listen carefully.”
    “Top . . . down . . . now.”
    “Ummm . . .”
    “You both going to listen?”
    “Down.”
    “Ummm . . .”
    “Nod your heads if you’re going to listen to me when I put my top down.” Two heads nodded. Two pairs of eyes didn’t move, however. I lowered and resisted the impulse to pull my shirt up and down for a bit. “Now, look at my face.”
    Both sets of eyes moved up to meet mine.
    “Good. So proud.” Martini opened his mouth, and I lifted my shirt over my stomach. He snapped his mouth shut. “Good boy, Jeff. Now, I’m going to say something, and I want the two of you to listen to my words. Okay?”
    They both nodded, eyes still wide, expressions still shocked.
    “If the metal cannot move on its own, and we can be fairly sure no one in this room brought in that horrid pseudo-pineapple centerpiece, then logic demands that we ask ourselves these very important questions. You ready?”
    They both nodded again.
    “Who bugged the room? And what planet do they call home?”

CHAPTER 10

    MARTINI RECOVERED FIRST, if you could call it that. “Don’t know. Don’t do that again. Ever. Unless we’re alone.”
    Chuckie was back to staring at my chest. “Love Aerosmith.”
    “Yes, I still do.” I snapped my fingers in front of his face. “Come on back now.”
    Reader was next to me. “You know, that was possibly the most hilarious thing I’ve ever seen. Not your rack, girlfriend, but their reactions to it.”
    “I warned them I was going to use the big guns.”
    “They are big, I’ll give you that.”
    “Stop looking at or talking about her chest, James.” Martini was growling.
    “Jeff? I’m gay, remember?”
    “Don’t care. Stop looking at them. Stop talking about them.” Martini looked at Chuckie. “Look at her face or, better yet, look at me, or I’m going to kill you.”
    “I saw them first,” Chuckie said. This was true.
    Martini was about to lose it, I could tell. “Boys? You either focus on my questions and how we answer them, or . . .” I raised my shirt over my stomach again.
    “I don’t want to answer the questions,” Chuckie said. “Punish me for it.”
    “That’s it!” Martini leaped up.
    I jumped in between them. “Jeff? If you grab him, I’ll be sandwiched between the two of you. Is that what you want?”
    Martini growled, loudly, but he backed off.
    I kept eye contact with Martini. “Chuckie? Enough with the comedy jokes. Serious questions want serious answers.”
    “I really want to be punished for my disobedience,” he said from behind me, and I could tell he was standing. “But okay.” He leaned down and whispered in my ear. “He’s fun to bait. But . . . damn, they’re still magnificent . . . and mesmerizing. Seriously, my parents love you, so, you know, consider the benefits of human marriage.”
    “Flattery will only get you so far.” I tried not to smile or blush. Martini’s expression said I failed at both.
    “I’ll keep working at it, then.” Chuckie stepped away from us, and Martini relaxed a tiny bit.
    “So, back to my questions. Who bugged the room?”
    “It wasn’t a human,” Reader said. At least someone was paying attention to the issues at hand.
    I turned around to see Christopher, Tim, and my five pilots all staring at me in various stages of shock, as near as I could tell. Claudia had her face in her