Alien in the Family

hands, and Lorraine appeared to be recovering from trying to laugh without making noise. Gower was shaking his head.
    “What?”
    Tim pointed behind me. I turned around. To see that the wall behind Martini, ergo, the wall I’d been facing, was a mirror.
    “Oh.” So I hadn’t noticed that when we got in. So what? “Um . . .” Didn’t quite know what to say. “Whoops” about covered it. But I didn’t feel the need to admit it out loud.
    Randy and Joe seemed to be recovering. After all, they had girls in the room who had racks at least as good as mine. Lorraine was still laughing silently, and Joe had her in his lap now. Randy was patting Claudia on the back—I realized she was laughing too, so hard that she was having trouble breathing. My friends, there for me when I needed them.
    “The United States Navy is proud to serve under those, Commander,” Jerry said finally. “In fact, I’d like a picture, in case we ever need to remind the rest of the troops what it is we fight for.” Walker and Hughes nodded their agreement.
    “Dudes, they’re not that big.” I mean, they weren’t. I wasn’t Pam Anderson material.
    “As women love to tell men, it’s not the size that matters, Commander,” Walker said. “It’s how they look in their packaging. Or something.” He sounded dazed.
    I looked at Christopher. “What did your dad have to say?”
    “He’s never mentioned your breasts!”
    I took a deep breath. All the male eyes in the room followed my chest. Even Reader and Gower were looking now. “I meant what did he say about a royal wedding?”
    “Huh?” Christopher seemed stunned.
    “Jeez, it’s a pair of boobs. Covered up, at least somewhat, in a bra and now, again, in a T-shirt, too. Surely all of you have seen something like them before.”
    “Never used as an interrogation device,” Jerry said. “I’m with Reynolds. Punish me for my disobedience.”
    I could hear Martini’s growl—it was on “rabid dog” and about to head to “enraged bear”. I decided to try to get things back under control. “Sorry, they’re Jeff’s now. Okay?”
    “Lucky bastard,” Hughes and Walker said in unison.
    “I’m beginning to see why Centaurion hired you on,” Chuckie added. Martini’s growl wasn’t subsiding.
    “Okay! So, we have an alien plot, possibly much more sinister than just asking me if I know which one is the fish fork and which is the butter knife. Can we focus? Either that, or I’m going down to the casino to play craps.”
    “Can you change into a low-cut top before you do that?” Jerry asked.
    I looked at Reader. “A little help?”
    “I saw a great low-cut top in the women’s clothing store in that mall they have connected to the casino. It was glittery and see-through. Want me to go see if they have it in your size?”
    I put my hand on Reader’s forehead. “Are you okay?”
    He shrugged. “Just trying to sound like one of the boys.” He flashed me his cover-boy grin. “C’mon, you know it’s fun to see Jeff almost pop a vessel.”
    I rolled my eyes. “Not helping.” I looked back to Christopher. “Seriously, what did your dad have to say? About why you called him? His wedding? Royal? Bugged?”
    Christopher was still staring at me. “I can’t believe you pulled your top up in front of all of us.”
    I managed to refrain from mentioning that he’d seen the twins in all their glory a year ago. Apparently, he wasn’t as past all that as he said he was. “Christopher. Info from your dad. Needed now.”
    Christopher handed me his phone. It was still open, and the call was still live.
    “Mister White?” I figured formality might be a good idea.
    “Here, Miss Katt. From what I picked up when Christopher stopped speaking to me midsentence, you’ve used the age-old technique of flashing to get the situation under control. Your ability to adapt on your feet remains impressive.”
    “Thanks. Anything for the cause. Speaking of which, we found some weird Alpha Centaurion bug that Jeff and Christopher seemed to have dismantled or at least subdued.”
    “Interesting. Alfred would know more about this than I, however.”
    “Yes, but I don’t think I want to call Mister Martini at this exact moment.”
    “Because Jeffrey’s ready to explode?”
    “Wow, you do know him well.”
    “Very. How is Mister Reynolds dealing with this?”
    “He found the bug. Apparently the C.I.A. has some alien-detector thing. Does nothing by a human, turns purple by a hybrid,