Alien vs. Alien

three, two, four, and then one.
    “What in God’s name are you doing?” Buchanan asked.
    “Secret ring code.”
    “So, Reynolds wants us to contact a lunatic. Great, just great.”
    “One man’s loon is another man’s head of the Extra-Terrestrial Division of the C.I.A., let me just say.” Dialed again. This time, I let it ring.
ˀ
    Phone was picked up on the fifth ring. “Hello?”
    “Eddy! How’s it going, big guy?”
    “Kitty? Is that you?”
    “In the conspiratorial flesh, so to speak.”
    “What are you doing, using the secret password?”
    “Chuckie gave it to me.”
    “Why are you using my real name?”
    “Because I can. We’re at DEFCON Worse, well, really, DEFCON Oh My God, and for some reason, Chuckie’s left instructions that when he’s incapacitated, you’re the man for the job.”
    “What’s happened to Chuck?” He sounded suspicious and more than a little scared. Some things never changed.
    “He’s disappeared. Along with my husband. And, no, they’re not gay. I think they’ve been kidnapped. Sort of.”
    “Taken from the solar system?”
    “Not that we can tell.”
    He was quiet. “Is Chuck in danger?”
    “Dude, what part of kidnapped and cannot find didn’t register the first time?”
    “Are you in danger?”
    “Currently in danger of freaking out about the whereabouts of my husband and oldest friend. Otherwise, no. The moment I leave this building? No guess.” Now wasn’t the time to mention the impending invasion. I knew Stryker far too well, and we clearly needed his help.
    “Am I in danger?”
    “If you don’t freaking tell me why Chuckie has you down as the go-to man, you’re in danger of me coming over there and kicking your butt in a serious and nasty fashion. Otherwise? No clue. You still dating that chick with all the piercings?”
    “No, we broke up. Years ago,” he added resentfully.
    “Good choice on your part.”
    “She dumped me.”
    “You never learned how to do the spin, did you?”
    “Is this relevant?”
    “Just wanted to know if I had to warn the people with me not to make eye contact with your, ah, lady friend.”
    “No current lady friend, so they’re fine. What people?”
    “Good friends. Eddy, I feel no closer to knowing why Chuckie wanted you contacted in this kind of emergency. Do you remember how I used to get when you would try to be all mysterious with me?”
    He coughed. “Yeah. So, what’s the plan, Kitty?”
    “No clue. That’s why I called you. You are listed as the person to call when we have lost Chuckie. Ergo, I am calling. Ball’s in your court.”
    He was quiet again. I let him sit there in silence. Stryker was good at it, ˀbut I’d been trained in how to sell—and one of the top five rules of selling was that whoever talks first after the offer has been made loses. I just gave Bellie some bird treats that White had on him and gave Bruno a good scritchy-scratching between his wings. It took three and a half minutes by my random count, but he finally sighed. “Fine.”
    “Excellent. We coming to you or are you coming to us?”
    “You know I don’t leave the bunker.”
    “Dude, you write published books. You have an agent and so forth. You leave the stupid bunker all the time. Stop acting. Two of the most important men in my life are missing and believed to be in life-threatening danger. Stop making me want to take out my fear and worry on your person.”
    “You do and I won’t tell you how to get here.”
    I snorted. “Dude, seriously. Ask yourself—between the two of us, who does Chuckie both like and trust more?”
    He was quiet again for a long minute, then started cursing up a blue streak. “He told you where I am?”
    Well, not so much, but I knew better than to admit it. “And gave me your number, and the secret code, and all that jazz.” Stryker kept on ranting. “Eddy! Enough with the blah, blah, blah. Focus! You here or us there?”
    “Where is your there, exactly?”
    “Andrews Air Force Base.”
    There was a significant pause. And then an embarrassed clearing of the throat. And then another cough.
    “Eddy, what don’t you want to admit? Surely you know how to get to Andrews.”
    “Oh, yes. I know.”
    I looked at Franklin. He was flipping through another book, smaller than the Encyclopedia Centaurion. He felt me looking at him and looked up. “I don’t find a Stryker Dane.”
    “Try Eddy Simms.”
    “Kitty, you’re under oath not to reveal my true identity!”
    “Eddy,