Alien vs. Alien

an A-C talent.”
    He sighed. “It’s not. Which proves my point.”
    “Not to me. At all. Clueless as to how you’re making this leap.”
    “I realize you don’t have what we’d call standard A-C talents. However, you have a natural affinity for animal sciences and an ability to control animal behaviors.”
    “Have you seen my dogs and cats? Because no one but my mother controls their animal behaviors, least of all me.”
    “A-C animal behaviors. You control the Poofs.”
    “They’re guardians.”
    “As we also said last night, they normally only take direction from the head Poof. However, they all take direction from you, and have since they first arrived on Earth. Very rare, believe me. Why do you think Gladys doesn’t feel the Poofs are safe? Under normal working conditions, the Poofs make the decision to, ah, eat or not.”
    I thought about this. When we’d taken on the old, nasty King of Alpha Four, I hadn’t asked the Poofs to protect me when Adolphus had attacked me—they’d done it on their own, hence why Adolphus was no more. But they’d also done anything I’d asked them to, including eat up all the former Diplomatic Corps. Hey, I wasn’t wild about people who took my men—all my men—and tortured them.
    “Well, maybe they’re just always in agreement with me.”
    “Maybe so. Perhaps they’re in agreement with you, Missus Martini, because you talk to them in the right way.”
    “Wonderful. So, you’re saying that because I’ve mutated, said mutation has increased my sensiased my tivity or whatever to A-C animals, and so I can understand them and they can, therefore, understand me?” I thought about it. “Even better than they already understood me, since they understood me before. Right?”
    “Well put. Yes, that’s exactly what I’m saying. For all we know, it may extend to Earth animals as well.”
    “Fabulous, and we’ll see. I’m more concerned with Bruno staying home. We need to get a move on.”
    White nodded. “Understood. Why don’t you ask, ah, Bruno if he would be willing to go invisible?”
    “Oh, no. Really? They go invisible? And this is normal on your planet?”
    “Somewhat. These are Royal Guardians. I call it invisible, but it’s more that they have the ability to blend in with whatever their surroundings are.”
    I groaned. “They’re chameleons.” I looked around. “How many of them are out here, hanging where I can’t see them, pretending to be a chair or something?”
    “None, since you’re not in danger.” White took my arm and started to push the stroller out of our rooms. Bruno cooed at him and trotted out with us.
    “Bruno still looks like an attack peacock.”
    “Explain the situation to him.”
    I sighed. “Bruno, my man, bird, whatever, if you are going to force yourself upon me, then no one can see you, okay? We’re not on Alpha Four. On Earth, humongous birds such as yourself live in zoos. They don’t waltz around like pets. So, if you plan on waltzing, do it chameleon style.”
    Bruno bobbed his head, waited until I was looking right at him, and winked.
    “Richard? He winked at me.”
    “Good. You and Bruno have clearly bonded. This is good.” We were in the elevator. Bruno flapped up onto the handle of the stroller.
    “Bruno, um, hard to push with you here. And, seriously, if you poop or whatever on my Converse, my Lifehouse jacket, or, God help you, my Aerosmith shirt, you’re dinner, bond or no bond.”
    Bruno fluffed his feathers to indicate he was more than house-trained. He also didn’t move. He looked around, pointedly.
    “Okay, fine. I understand. It’s easier to see and be on guard. Fine, fine. If you’d prefer, you can perch on the front end, but if you poop on Jamie you are a dead bird.”
    Got the cooing and head bobbing. Bruno was fine with where he was perched, thank you very much.
    “Richard, I don’t think I can take this.”
    “Missus Martini, in my experience, there’s nothing you are unable to handle. I already advised Len and Kyle to meet us.”
    The elevator doors opened. Sure enough, the boys were there, ready to go. They gaped at us.
    “If you need to walk around with a pet, much as I hate to say it, the dogs are a better choice,” Len said.
    “I thought you said they could go invisible go invi.”
    White sighed. “They can. Why would Bruno waste the effort while we’re within the Embassy?”
    “Oh. Good point.”
    “They can go invisible?” Kyle didn’t sound like this was an