...And Never Let HerGo

make her feel as safe in confiding her secrets as Bob Conner had. There were two issues that she had to deal with, the two things that were the most difficult for her: her anorexia and her past inability to transform her relationship with Tom Capano into one of only friendship.
    With Dr. Sullivan’s help, Anne Marie began to feel stronger. Ideally, in her view, she would be with Mike forever—and Tom would no longer trail her and threaten her. And, perhaps most important to her, he wouldn’t feel sad that she no longer loved him.
    Easter was approaching, a time of rebirth and renewal. Anne Marie and Mike went to services on Holy Thursday. They would not be together for Easter because Mike was going home to Rhode Island. He sent her a card that hardly seemed in the spirit of the season, but it was. It was a picture of a seal, which he explained was an “Easter seal” from the North Pacific.
    “I hope your holiday is a good one,” he wrote.
    I’ll be thinking about you. I’m sure everything will be fine. Keep strong. You’re doing good. I hope, too, that you get some time for yourself this weekend—a cup of java and the paper, a walk in the park, or sitting alone at home in the dark, one of my favorites. I will look forward to seeing you Sunday evening at the airport. Happy Easter, do be sure to have one of those chocolate or marshmallow bunnies for me. Love, Mike
    Mike knew that Anne Marie was coping with something and that she was seeing a psychologist, although she had not confided any specifics. She had told him she was working out her feelings about self-confidence and self-esteem and that she had some family problems. Mike knew that her brother Mark was battling alcoholism and that Anne Marie was terribly worried about him—and angry with him at the same time—but he never asked too many questions, sensing that she would tell him all in good time.
    Mike knew that Anne Marie had dreams for the future. Her dearest wish was to become a teacher, but she was very loyal to Tom Carper. She wouldn’t even consider leaving her job until she had seen him through his upcoming campaign for reelection. “After that time,” Mike said, “she had it in her mind that she would move on.”
    Mike knew nothing at all about Tom Capano, and Anne Marie still hoped devoutly that he never would.
    Around Easter in 1996, Anne Marie believed that she was finally free of Tom’s influence and was strong enough to fight whatever battles might come her way. She had confided to her friends that she hoped to marry Mike. She talked about what kind of wedding she would like with her friend Jennifer in one of their endless phone calls between Delaware and Massachusetts. Had Mike mentioned marriage? Jennifer asked. Anne Marie said he hadn’t but that they were getting closer all the time.
    April was a beautiful month in Wilmington; the dogwood and cherry trees that lined almost every neighborhood street in the city were in bloom. After such a long and bitter winter, everyone was delighted to see that spring had come again after all.
    On Easter Sunday, April 7, 1996, Anne Marie wrote in the diary she had been keeping for two years (if only in a very sporadic fashion):
    Happy Easter! Well . . . another year has passed since my last entry and man o’ man has a lot happened. I’ve been through a lot ofemotional battles. I finally have brought closure to Tom Capano. What a controlling, manipulative, insecure, jealous maniac. Now that I look back on that aspect of my life, I realize just how vulnerable I had become. It hurts me when I think about that year. For one whole year, I allowed someone to take control of every decision in my life. Bob Conner’s death hurt me / affected me more than anything. . . . My being after Bob’s death became the little girl growing up in a chaotic world. I lost all sense of trust. I thought it would be easier that way.
    I have been fortunate enough to find another therapist, Michelle Sullivan. No one will ever take the place of Bob—but . . . she’s pretty damn close. 5 weeks ago, I was diagnosed w/ Bulimia. My weight is currently 125 pounds. Pretty skinny, but I want more.
    Anne Marie was still sick, but her mind was straight and her perceptions were dead on. Once she accepted herself and the fact that a woman five foot ten inches tall was
underweight
at 125 pounds, she could regain her physical health too. She was going to make it.
    D EBBY M AC I NTYRE heard from Tom at least twice a day during