Angel and the Assassin 3: Sins of the Father

wrong clothes, wrong
    posture, and wrong attitude. We wore jeans and T-shirts. Freddie had a mass of curly
    brown hair and the most babyish face in the world. Aside from that, he looked
    terrified. I was tall and thin with short, dark blond hair, and I was so arrogant. I
    thought I was God’s gift. I acted like they were all just waiting for me to come in.
    My confidence gained me a lot of attention among my own age group, but the older
    men found me very annoying.
    Freddie and I sat at a table talking and watching the interactions, happy after
    being sanctioned by Sir Killian. “This place is scary,” Freddie said. I told him, “It’s
    great!” I felt at home even if I wasn’t dressed for it. I caught the attention of one man
    and followed him into the toilets for a fuck and a bit of play. “Why do you do it?”
    Freddie asked when I got back. He was upset that I had left him alone feeling like a
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    divvy. “Do what?” I asked, knowing he meant the sex. That was when he launched
    into a speech that I assumed had been burning him for a while.
    “You started that summer in Devon when we were fifteen, having sex with every
    bloke who looked at you for more than a minute. Or”—he paused for effect—“going
    after men to get their attention and trying to seduce them, even if they were straight.”
    “I like sex. What’s wrong with that?” I asked him.
    “I like sex too, but what is wrong with love and commitment? What’s wrong with
    waiting awhile? These men are all strangers! They don’t mean anything.”
    “I don’t want them to mean anything.” Genuinely perplexed at his attitude, I said,
    “I never bareback.”
    “It’s not about the fucking condoms, mate.” Freddie never said fuck, so I knew he
    was really upset. “It’s about how you feel about yourself. It’s about what you want
    out of life and relationships.” I got up to get more beer because I thought he needed
    to mellow out. I came back and told him to drink up. He was spoiling my day with
    complicated questions. “Why do you need to have sex with all these strange men?
    You must be topping a couple of hundred by now. I’ve only had three, and you’re
    one of them.”
    I emptied half my beer down my throat in one go and asked, “Are you jealous or
    something?”
    “No, I just want to know, that’s all.” He was really pissed off.
    “I’m looking for my dad,” I said, not knowing where the words came from.
    Freddie thought I was being a smartarse because I usually was, and he said, “Don’t
    be an idiot.”
    “No, I am,” I told him. “What if he’s queer like me?”
    “He’s been with a woman at least once,” Freddie said.
    “If a man is old enough and turns me down, then he might be my dad, because
    he’d know right away. Right? I mean, who’d do it with their own son?”
    “Don’t you remember studying Oedipus with Mr. Langton in year nine?” Freddie
    said, and we both laughed.
    The following week, I went back to the leather bar without Freddie, wearing
    brand-new leather trousers and a jacket I had bought from my scholarship money and
    began to learn from the older men about being a leatherman.

    Angel had come upon him so quietly that Kael didn’t hear him. He slammed the
    diary shut when he saw him standing a few feet away, barefoot, naked. It was after ten
    o’clock, and the boy still looked really rough. His normally fair skin was chalk white
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    with dark circles under his eyes. Eyes that were usually bright and sparkling with good
    humor and were now lifeless.
    “Go and drink some water. It’s the best hangover medicine in the world,” Kael
    said. Angel headed to the kitchen while Kael put the diary away with his weapons on
    the top shelf of the hall coat cupboard.
    In the kitchen, Kael found him sitting at the table drinking a bottle of water. “You
    do not sit on the furniture with a bare arse.”
    Without looking at him, Angel shuffled off the chair onto the floor.
    “Are you hungry?”
    “Yes, Sir, but I don’t think I can eat right now.”
    “I’ll make you some toast to settle your stomach.”
    “Seriously, I don’t think I can eat anything.”
    “You’ll do as you’re told,” Kael said.
    Looking up at him, Angel said, “This is what you’re so pissed off about, isn’t it?”
    Kael put two slices of bread into the toaster and pressed the lever before looking at
    Angel. He looked so small and