Apocalypsis 01 - Kahayatle

clipped as he pronounced every letter, just so and very precisely.
    “What’s up with the accent?” I asked.  
    “H-what accent.   I don’t have an accent.”
    “Yes you do.   It’s not ‘h-what’.   It’s just ‘what’.   And you’re putting too many esses on the ends of your words.”
    “I’m Hamerican.”
    I laughed.   “Try again, liar.”
    “Fine.   What are you, da immigration police or something?   I’m Cherman.”
    “German?”
    “Yes.   Dat’s what I said.”
    “What’s your name and why are you messing with our stuff?”
    He smiled.   “You talk about your dok like he’ss a person.”
    “She’s not talking about the dog,” said Peter from behind me.   “She’s talking about me.”
    “And the dog,” I corrected.
    “And Buster,” said Peter, standing next to me, holding his gun down at his side.   I was glad he decided to do that.   It looked a lot more intimidating when his hands weren’t shaking.
    “Okay, fine.   You are a party of three.   My name iss Bodo.   I am from Chermany.   I came here for an exchange program last year and den the family I was staying with, dey all died.   Now de Internet iss down and I cannot reach my family.   I do not even know if dey are alife.”
    I leaned over to Peter and said in a loud whisper, “He means ‘alive’.”
    “Dat’s what I said,” clarified Bodo.   “Alife.”  
    Peter shook his head.   “Stop harassing the poor guy, Bryn.   He’s German.   But he speaks pretty good English, actually.”   Peter turned his attention back to Bodo, addressing him directly.   “Hello, Bodo.   Welcome to the United States.   I’m sorry you got stuck here, but you should probably know that anyone in your country over the age of twenty and under the age of ten is dead now.   You’re probably stuck here for life unless you know how to sail.”
    “Wow.   Way to break it to him easy,” I said, chuckling.   Mr. Sensitive was getting tougher by the minute.
    “I know dis.   Efreyone is dead now.   I haf been on dis highway for days, looking for someone.   Anyone.   It wass crazy in my town, so I left it.”
    “Yeah, well, I don’t advise heading north.   There are cannibals up there.”
    “I call dem zombies,” said Bodo.   “Dey haff dem in my old town, too.   I was living in West Palm Beach.”
    Peter and I exchanged a look, smiling.  
    “You like zombies?” said Bodo.   Then he took a step back.   “If you are thinking about killing me and eating me, I will tell you dat it would be a mistake.   I am a lethal weapon.”   He held up his hands in a poor approximation of a karate stance.  
    I couldn’t help but snigger at him.   He was absolutely adorable, but so full of crap it wasn’t even funny.   I could have been wrong, but I felt like to be a canner, you had to totally lose your sense of humor.   And this guy still had his, whether he realized it or not.
    “We don’t eat people,” said Peter.   “But we don’t have enough food to share right now.”
    “Oh, dat’s not a problem,” said Bodo, sliding his backpack off his shoulder.
    I held up my gun.   “Not too fast, there, Bodo.   We’ve already killed some guys who messed with us before.”
    He held up his hands, palms out.   “I’m chust going to show you my food.   So you can see I did not come here to take your thingks.”
    He pulled can after can of raviolis and tuna out.   The last thing he took out was a tall container of Pringles.
    “Holy crap.   You have Pringles ,” I said, in a daze.   I hadn’t had a Pringle in over a year.   Normally, that wouldn’t be a big deal for me.   But right now, it seemed like a crying shame.
    “I eat one per day.   I haff enough Pringkles for a few more months.   Unless I share.   Den a little bit less.”   He smiled, revealing straight, white teeth.   They were so not like the canner’s teeth I had seen.
    “Bodo, I have to warn you,” said Peter, his voice sounding very serious and mature.   “Bryn here, really is a lethal weapon, so if you try anything funny, she will snap your neck.   She was trained by the Israeli Special Forces.   Do you agree not to steal any of our food or things if we let you stay with us tonight?”
    Bodo nodded his head quickly.   “Oh yes, definitely.   Wow, dat’s impressif.   The Issraeli Special Forcess.   I will not touch anything.   And if you vant, oops , I mean want, I can play you my harmonica.   My family