Autumn

sighed.
    ‘Christ, not you as well. I had enough bullshit from Emma earlier...’
    ‘It’s not bullshit. We’re just worried that...’
    ‘Worried that what?’
    ‘I don’t know,’ he lied, feeling awkward and reluctant to reveal his true feelings. ‘I guess we’re just worried that you’re doing the wrong thing. I’ve heard everything you’ve said about wanting to go back to the community centre and I understand why you think you need to go but...’
    Carl stopped what he was doing and looked at Michael.
    ‘But...?’
    ‘I think you’re confused. I think you’ve been through too much to cope with and you’re having trouble dealing with it all. I don’t think you’re capable of making the right decisions at the moment and...’
    ‘I’m not a fucking lunatic if that’s what you think,’ Carl snapped, his voice surprisingly calm, ‘I know exactly what I’m doing. The fact is I just don’t feel safe here. And before you say it, I know we’re not safe anywhere anymore, but I obviously feel differently about this place than you two do. That excuse for a fence we built doesn’t make me feel any better...’
    ‘That excuse for a fence,’ Michael interrupted, annoyed, ‘kept a thousand of those bastards out last night.’
    ‘I know, but there are millions of them out there. Eventually they’re going to get through.’
    ‘I don’t agree.’
    ‘We’ll put a bet on it now and I’ll come back next year and see how you’re doing.’
    Michael didn’t find Carl’s attempt at black humour amusing.
    ‘Okay, so we’re not as isolated as we thought we were here, but we’ve done all right so far, haven’t we?’
    ‘Better than I ever thought we would,’ he accepted.
    ‘So why leave now? You’re going to get ripped to pieces out there.’
    Carl thought for a moment. He had done a good job of keeping his true feelings and emotions hidden from the other two for most of the last week. The pair of them had been so wrapped up in building and protecting their precious ivory tower that they seemed to have forgotten everything else that was ever important.
    ‘I just want to go back to somewhere I know,’ he eventually admitted. ‘I know I’m taking a massive chance but I think it’s worth the risk. If I’m going to spend the rest of my days hiding from those bloody things out there, I might as well hide somewhere close to the place I know best, somewhere I actually want to be.’
    ‘But think about the other risks,’ Michael said, his voice tired and low. ‘Think about the bodies that are just lying rotting on the ground. Every city will be filled with disease.’
    Carl just shrugged his shoulders.
    ‘I don’t know anything about that and there’s nothing I can do about it anyway. I used to mend fucking twenty-ton presses for a living, doesn’t matter if you tell me there’s germs and disease about because I can’t do anything about it. I’ll have to take my chances there just the same way you and Emma will do here.’
    ‘But we’re not taking chances...’
    ‘How do you know that? How do you know that there isn’t cholera, typhoid or a thousand other diseases that we’ve never even heard of already here in the air or in the stream or...’
    Michael knew he was right. There was no point in arguing.
    ‘You don’t have to go,’ he said, quickly deciding to change tack completely. ‘Please stay here with us. Just do me a favour and think about it for a couple of days at least will you?’
    Carl shook his head.
    ‘All I’ve done this last week is think about this. Look, it’s nothing personal. You were the one who kept telling us how important it was to look after ourselves, weren’t you?’
    ‘Yes, but...’
    ‘So can’t you see that’s all I’m doing. You keep doing what’s best for you and Emma, and I’ll look after myself. We all might be gone tomorrow...’
    ‘Don’t talk like that,’ Michael interrupted, suddenly angry. ‘You can’t talk like that if...’
    Ignoring him, Carl continued.
    ‘We might all be gone tomorrow but the three of us might still be around in ten years time. I just can’t lock myself away in here and sit and wait for something to happen. If all we’re going to do is cower and hide for the rest of our lives then we might as well just end it now.’
    ‘I understand what you’re saying,’ Michael sighed, accepting that nothing he could say or do would persuade Carl to stop. ‘I understand completely, but I still think you’re a