Behind the Albergue Door: Inspiration Agony Adventure on the Camino de Santiago

hairy? I’ll show you hairy.”
    “I love a girl who never changes her pants.”
    “Can I have that toenail when it falls off?”
    “I’m writing a book about this and am still working on the climax. Interested?”
    “I have over a hundred photos of girls washing their underwear in the sink.”
    “There is a condom machine in the bathroom. What do you think about that ?”
    “Excuse me, but did I hear you say you had herpes, too?”
    “Sure, I sweated a lot today. But it’s all dried up now.”
    “I’m pretty sure St. James would have wanted you to blow me.”

Sexual Predator Taken Into Custody
    November 12, 2012
    Triacastela, Spain – An elderly man was arrested Saturday on suspicion of sexual assault, indecent exposure and public urination. Sixty-two year old Tiago Herrera, a farmer from nearby Fonfria, allegedly approached pilgrim hikers facing crises of motivation and gained their trust under the guise of providing fatherly and spiritual advice before either exposing himself to them or fondling their breasts, depending on their age and level of attractiveness. Also, with Tiago being the Spanish form of the name James, that of the famous saint and his eponymous pilgrimage, many unwitting victims incorrectly read some meaning into the connection.
    Police were un unwilling to comment, but it is believed that Mr. Herrera has been charged with 174 counts of indecent exposure, 43 counts of sexual assault, 735 counts of public urination and one count of wielding a banana in an overtly inappropriate manner.
    Friends and neighbours of Herrera were disappointed, though not entirely surprised, to hear of the allegations, saying they should have recognized the signs, such as his trademark shabby Athletic Bilbao team jacket and his love of vanilla extract. On the other hand, he reportedly bakes the best cupcakes of anyone in the local church group.
    Witnesses do admit that, despite the uncomfortable physical nature of the encounter, his advice was often right on the mark. They report that he had a particularly unique ability to find the positives in such normally disparaged parts of the Camino as fatigue, homesickness and rancid open blisters. Victims claim his most profound observations generally took place during heavy petting, while his least helpful occurred during naked piggy-back rides.

Acknowledgments and Disclaimers
    This is a work of fact, fiction and exaggeration. Any similarities between characters in this book and real people are probably intentional but most likely highly inaccurate.
    I’d like to thank the following for their indispensable help, support and oral pleasures (in no particular order):
    Laynni, for being there through it all, for unfailingly offering to take the top bunk (even if it was partially for the selfish reason of minimizing the disturbance I caused during my inevitable late night trip to the bathroom), and for keeping my somewhat imaginatively selective memory on track while writing this. It’s funny how certain things manage to secure places of much more prominence than they rightfully deserve as time goes on. It’s also funny to throw things to her, because she doesn’t catch very well.
    The fellow pilgrims who were kind enough to contribute their thoughts and ramblings to this book which was sorely in need of some variety in its thoughts and ramblings. I very much appreciate Madeline, Barry, Melinda, Laynni and Aisling taking the time and giving up even more of their privacy.
    Father Frank for showing us a different perspective on what it means to be a “pilgrim”.
    Newlyweds James Cleland and Vida Harrison for the terrific cover art and the great Pilgrim’s Spirit drawing, respectively.
    All the great friends we made along the way. Even those in tight hiking pants.
    Emilio Estevez for making a movie that added that final little push to get us started on the Camino. And for showing us that trying to quit smoking is just stupid.
    Everyone who had worse blisters than we did. We appreciate your sacrifice, although if you were to finally put your socks back on and stop talking about them we wouldn’t try to stop you.

Author’s Request
    Reviews are the lifeblood of our industry, helping readers the world over find great books that suit their tastes, entertain them and occasionally cause a little half boner. So if you enjoyed this book please take the time to write a review to help other readers discover it. I’m currently working on a reward system using ropes,