Birdy

again but he doesn’t move.
    I take off Scanlan’s aid kit and get out the bandage. I’m scared more stuff is going to come in, but my hands are steady. I wrap the bandage tight around Scanlan’s head and tie it in the back. Scanlan’s having a hard time breathing. He keeps swallowing the blood but more and more blood is leaking out everywhere. The hell with the wound tablets; I’m getting Scanlan back and turning myself in! My mind is working slowly but clearly; I don’t feel like me.
    I tell Scanlan to drop his rifle. He isn’t talking anymore, only moaning deeply. He takes off his left glove and there are two fingers in the middle missing. Blood’s pumping out of there, too. I grab his wrist tight, pull him to his feet and start running him back. He’s going to pass out soon and I can’t carry him. I might pass out myself any minute. I’m feeling very empty-eared. Scanlan pulls away from me. He goes back and picks up the glove he just pulled off, the one with the fingers in it. He holds it with his good hand. Jesus Christ! What’s he thinking of?!
    Somehow, we get through the mines. This time I go around farther to the right. I only see two masher wires. I’m having a hard time believing in mines anyway. When Harrington got it, it’s as if he defused all of them for me. I have the feeling I could even step on one and it wouldn’t go off. That’s how far gone I am.
    We get back to the edge of the wood and there’s Lucessi, the first sergeant. He yells at me.
    ‘Who is that? Where the hell’re you going?’
    I stop and turn Scanlan toward him. He’s my ticket out of hell. It’s lousy, but that’s the way it is. I’m trying to ride Scanlan all the way back to a medic tent.
    ‘I’m taking Scanlan back, Sarge. He’s hurt bad!’
    Lucessi can see that. He can also see I’m scared shitless. He knows what I’m doing. Why the hell should I care what Lucessi thinks anyway? He’s just another fucking wop, even if he is first sergeant. Lucessi is checking Scanlan. I’m wondering if I shouldn’t maybe just make a run for it up to the woods. Lucessi isn’t going to shoot me or anything.
    ‘Where’s Richards? Where’s the second platoon? Where’s your squad? What the fuck’s going on up there?’
    ‘Richards says tanks are coming up. He needs bazookas. There’re no anti-tank grenades.’
    ‘Yeah, and where in hell’s Richards?’
    Lucessi is trying to pull the bandage smooth over Scanlan’s face. I’m still holding onto Scanlan’s wrist.
    ‘He’s up there past the trees. He’s on the ground there where Scanlan got hit. I yelled but he didn’t answer or move.’
    That’s how my mind’s working. It’s only then I let myself know that Richards is hit. Richards has had it. Richards got it. I don’t even like Richards, but the shakes start coming. I want to get away, anywhere away. I’m not only running back now; I’m running away. I have a hard time keeping my feet still. But, I’m afraid of Lucessi. I could probably beat the shit out of him one-handed; but I’m afraid. I’m waiting for a chance to run away, hide in the ground, starve to death, anything, just disappear, be alone. I’m still holding onto Scanlan’s wrist to stop the bleeding and he’s fucking around with the glove in his other hand. He pulls something out of the glove and wipes it on his pants. It’s a wedding ring. He puts it in his pocket. Lucessi’s watching me.
    ‘You get the hell back there, Columbato. If Richards is hit, you’re in charge of the squad. The way things’re going, maybe the whole damned platoon. What a fuck-up. I’ll take Scanlan. I’ll get the bazooka and anti-tank grenades sent up. Now, you haul ass up there!’
    He’s already redoing the company organization chart. He’s moving slips of colored paper around in his mind. I hand Scanlan to him and he squeezes the wrist. Blood is dripping from Scanlan’sface all over his field jacket. Lucessi turns and runs Scanlan back toward the woods.
    I’m alone again. I know I’m only going up to the trees and hide. I’ll jump in one of those slit trenches the squad was digging. I’ll lie up there and wait till things settle down. Then, maybe I’ll sneak my way back into France, travel at night, find some French family I can hide with. I’m quietly going crazy right out there in the open.
    I get across the field again, hopping over wires, trying not to look across to where Harrington is. I make it up to the trees and hide myself in a