Bloodsucking fiends: a love story

introduce myself…"
    "You're the Emperor, aren't you?" Jody had been in the City for five years. She'd heard about the Emperor, but she'd only seen him from a distance.
    "At your service," said the Emperor. The terrier growled suspiciously and the Emperor shoved the little dog, head first, into the oversized pocket of his overcoat, then buttoned the flap. Muffled growls emanated from the pocket.
    "I apologize for my charge. He's long on courage, but rather short on manners. This is Lazarus."
    Jody nodded to the retriever, who let out a slight growl and backed away a step. The garbage-can lids rattled on the sidewalk.
    "Hi. I'm Jody. Pleased to meet you."
    "I hope you will forgive my presumption," the Emperor said, "but I don't think it's safe for a young woman to be out on the street at night. Particularly in this neighborhood."
    "Why this neighborhood?"
    The Emperor moved closer and whispered. "I'm sure that you've noticed that the men and I are dressed for battle. We are hunting a vicious, murdering fiend that has been stalking the City. I don't mean to alarm you, but we last saw him on this very street. In fact, he killed a friend of mine right across the street not two nights ago."
    "You saw him?" Jody asked. "Did you call the police?"
    "The police will be of no help," the Emperor said. "This is not the run-of-the-mill scoundrel that we are used to in the City. He's a vampire." The Emperor lifted his wooden sword and tested the point against the tip of his finger.
    Jody was shaken. She tried to calm herself, but the fear showed on her face.
    "I've frightened you," the Emperor said.
    "No – no, I'm fine. It's just… Your Majesty, there are no such things as vampires."
    "As you wish," the Emperor said. "But I think it would be prudent for you to wait until daylight to do your business."
    "I need to do my laundry or I won't have any clean clothes for tomorrow."
    "Then allow us to escort you."
    "No, really, Your Majesty, I'll be fine. By the way, where is the nearest Laundromat?"
    "There is one not far from here, but it's in the Tenderloin. Even during the day you wouldn't be safe alone. I really must insist that you wait, my dear. Perhaps by then we will have exterminated the fiend."
    "Well," Jody said, "if you insist. This is my apartment, right here." She dug the key out of her jeans and opened the door. She turned back to the Emperor. "Thank you."
    "Safety first," the Emperor said. "Sleep well." The little dog growled in his pocket.
    Jody went inside and closed the door, then waited until she heard the Emperor walk away. She waited another five minutes and went back onto the street.
    She shouldered the laundry and headed toward the Tenderloin, thinking, This is great. How long before the police actually listen to the Emperor? Tommy and I are going to have to move and we haven't even decorated yet. And I hate doing laundry. I hate it. I'm sending our laundry out if Tommy won't do it. And we're going to have a cleaning lady – some nice, dependable woman who will come in after dark. And I'm not buying toilet paper. I don't use it and I'm not going to buy it. And something has to be done about this asshole vampire. God, I hate doing laundry.
    She had gone two blocks when a man stepped out of a doorway in front of her. "Hey momma, you need some help."
    She jumped in his face and shouted, "Fuck off, horndog!" with such viciousness that he screamed and leaped back into the doorway, then meekly called "Sorry" after her as she passed.
    She thought, I'm not sorting. It all goes in warm. I don't care if the whites do go gray; I'm not sorting. And how do I know how to get out bloodstains? Who am I? Miss Household Hints? God, I hate laundry.
    The clothes jumped and played and dived over each other like fabric dolphins. Jody sat on a folding table across from the dryer watching the show and thinking about the Emperor's warning. He'd said, "I don't think it's safe for a young woman to be out on the street at night." Jody agreed. Not long ago she would have been terrified if she'd found herself in the Tenderloin at night. She couldn't even remember coming down here during the day. Where had that fear gone? What had happened to her that she could face off with a vampire, bite off his fingers, and carry a dead body up a flight of stairs and shove it under the bed without even a flinch? Where was the fear and loathing? She didn't miss it, she just wondered what had happened to it.
    It wasn't as if she were without fear. She