Bloodsucking fiends: a love story

is that? What is that thing? That thing is eating my shoe. Stop it! Kill it!"
    Tommy hurdled the futon and dived for the turtle, catching the heel of the shoe before it disappeared. Scott dug his claws into the carpet and backed off. Tommy came up with heel in hand.
    "I got part of it."
    Jody went to her mother's side. "I meant to call the exterminator, Mother. If I'd had more notice…"
    Mother Stroud was breathing in outraged yips. "How can you live like this?"
    Tommy held the heel out to her.
    "I don't want that. Call me a cab."
    Tommy paused, considered the opportunity, then let it pass and went to the phone.
    "You can't go out without shoes, Mother. I'll get you something to wear." Jody went to the bedroom and came back with her rattiest pair of sneakers. "Here, Mom, these will get you back to the hotel."
    Mother Stroud, afraid to sit down anywhere, leaned against the door and stepped into the sneakers. Jody tied them for her and slipped the uneaten pump into her mother's bag. "There you go." She stepped back. "Now, what are we going to do for the holidays?"
    Mother Stroud, her gaze trained on Scott, just shook her head. The turtle had wedged himself between the legs of the coffee table and was dragging it around the loft.
    A cab pulled up outside and beeped the horn. Mother Stroud tore her gaze away from the turtle and looked at her daughter. "I'll be in Europe for the holidays. I have to go now." She opened the door and backed out through it.
    "'Bye, Mom," Jody said.
    "Nice meeting you, Mrs. Stroud," Tommy called after her.
    When the cab pulled away, Tommy turned to Jody and said, "Well, that went pretty well, didn't it? I think she likes me."
    Jody was leaning against the door, staring at the floor. She looked up and began to giggle silently. Soon she was doubled over laughing.
    "What?" Tommy said.
    Jody looked up at him, tears streaming her face. "I think I'm ready to meet your folks, don't you?"
    "I don't know. They might be sort of upset that you're not a Methodist."

Chapter 24 – The Return of
    Breakfast
    The Emperor lay spread-eagle on the end of a dock in the Saint Francis Yacht Club Marina, watching clouds pass over the bay. Bummer and Lazarus lay beside him, their feet in the air, dozing. The three might have been crucified there, if the dogs hadn't been smiling.
    "Men," the Emperor said, "it seems to me now that there is, indeed, a point to that Otis Redding song about sitting on the dock of the bay. After a long night of vampire hunting, this is a most pleasant way to spend the day. Bummer, I believe a commendation is in order. When you led us down here, I thought you were wasting our time."
    Bummer did not answer. He was dreaming of a park full of large trees and bite-sized mailmen. His legs twitched and he let out a sleepy ruff each time he crunched one of their tiny heads. In dreams, mailmen taste like chicken.
    The Emperor said, "But pleasant as this is, it tastes of guilt, of responsibility. Two months tracking this fiend, and we are no closer to finding him than when we started. Yet here we lay, enjoying the day. I can see the faces of the victims in these clouds."
    Lazarus rolled over and licked the Emperor's hand.
    "You're right, Lazarus, without sleep we will not be fit for battle. Perhaps, in leading us here, Bummer was wiser than we thought."
    The Emperor closed his eyes and let the sound of waves lapping against the piers lull him to sleep.
    Lying at anchor, a hundred yards away, was a hundred-foot motor yacht registered in the Netherlands. Belowdecks, in a watertight stainless steel vault, the vampire slept through the day.
    Tommy had been asleep for an hour when pounding on the door downstairs woke him. In the darkness of the bedroom he nudged Jody, but she was out for the day. He checked his watch: 7:30 A.M.
    The loft rocked with the pounding. He crawled out of bed and stumbled to the door in his underwear. The morning light spilling though the loft's windows temporarily blinded him and he barked his shin on the corner of the freezer on his way through the kitchen.
    "I'm coming," he yelled. It sounded as if they were using a hammer on the door.
    He did a Quasimodo step and slid down the stairs, holding his damaged shin in one hand, and cracked the downstairs door. Simon peeked through the crack. Tommy could see a ball-peen hammer in his hand, poised for another pound.
    Simon said, "Pardner, we need to have us a sit-down."
    "I'm sleeping, Sime. Jody's sleeping."
    "Well, you're up