Bloodsucking fiends: a love story

plates, frying pans, coffee cups, or beer cans that littered the floor. Beyond the freezer and the counter she spotted the shipwreck survivor.
    Tommy lay on the futon, limbs akimbo, an empty Bushmill's bottle by his head, snoring.
    She stood there for a moment running her options over in her head. On one hand, she wanted to fly into a rage; wake Tommy up and scream at him for violating the sanctity of their home. A justifiable tantrum was strongly tempting. On the other hand, until now Tommy had always been considerate. And he would clean everything up. Plus, the hangover he was about to experience would be more punishment than she could dole out in a week. Besides, she wasn't really that angry. It didn't seem to matter. It was just a mess. It was a tough decision.
    She thought, Oh heck, no harm, no foul. I'll just make him coffee and give him that "I'm-so-disappointed-in-you" look.
    "Tommy," she said. She sat down on the edge of the futon and jostled him gently. "Sweetheart, wake up; you've destroyed the house and I need you to suffer for it."
    Tommy opened one bloodshot eye and groaned. "Sick," he said.
    Jody heard a convulsive sloshing in Tommy's stomach and before she could think about it she had caught him under the armpits and was dragging him across the room to the kitchen sink.
    "Oh my God!" Tommy cried, and if he was going to say anything else it was drowned out by the sound of his stomach emptying into the sink. Jody held him up, smiling to herself with the satisfaction of the self-righteously sober.
    After a few seconds of retching, he gasped and looked up at her. Tears streamed down his face. His nose dripped threads of slime.
    Cheerfully, Jody said, "Can I fix you a drink?"
    "Oh my God!" His head went back into the sink and the body-wrenching heaves began anew. Jody patted his back and said "Poor baby" until he came up for air again.
    "How about some breakfast?" she asked.
    He dived into the sink once again.
    After five minutes the heaves subsided and Tommy hung on the edge of the sink. Jody turned on the faucet and used the dish sprayer to hose off his face. "I guess you and the guys had a little party this morning, huh?"
    Tommy nodded, not looking up. "I tried to keep them out. I'm sorry. I'm scum."
    "Yes, you are, sweetheart." She ruffed his hair.
    "I'll clean it up."
    "Yes, you will," she said.
    "I'm really sorry."
    "Yes, you are. Do we want to go back to the futon and sit down?"
    "Water," Tommy said.
    She ran him a glass of water and steadied him while he drank, then aimed him into the sink when the water came back up.
    "Are you finished now?" she asked.
    He nodded.
    She dragged him into the bathroom and washed his face, rubbing a little too hard, like an angry mother administering an abrasive spit-bath to a chocolate-covered toddler. "Now you go sit down and I'll make you some coffee."
    Tommy staggered back to the living room and fell onto the futon. Jody found the coffee filters in the cupboard and began to make the coffee. She opened the cupboard to look for a cup but the Animals had used them all. They were strewn around the loft, tipped over or half full of whisky diluted by melted ice.
    Ice?
    "Tommy!"
    He groaned and grabbed his head. "Don't yell."
    "Tommy, did you guys use the ice from the freezer?"
    "I don't know. Simon was bartending."
    Jody brushed the dishes and pans from the lid of the chest freezer and threw it open. The ice trays, the ones Tommy had bought for the drowning experiment, were empty and scattered around the inside of the freezer. Peary's frosty face stared up at her. She slammed the lid shut and stormed across the room to Tommy.
    "Dammit, Tommy, how could you be so careless?"
    "Don't yell. Please don't yell. I'll clean it up."
    "Clean it up my ass. Someone was in the freezer. Someone saw the body."
    "I think I'm going to be sick."
    "Did they come into the bedroom while I was sleeping? Did they see me?"
    Tommy cradled his head as if it would crack at any moment and spill his brains onto the floor. "They had to get to the bathroom. It's okay; I covered you up so the light wouldn't get to you."
    "You idiot!" She snatched up a coffee cup and prepared to throw it at him, then caught herself. She had to get out of here before she hurt him. She shook as she set the cup on the counter.
    "I'm going out, Tommy. Clean up this mess." She turned and went to the bedroom to change.
    When she emerged, still shaking with anger, Tommy was standing in the kitchen looking repentant.
    "Will