Born 01 - Born

have to give you an internal to make sure you're healthy."
    "Wasn’t that what the tube was for?"
    He puts the thing in his hands on the desk and pushes his glasses up. He closes the door. "No."
    I see the curtain. "Can you pull that around us so she can see my face?" I don’t want her traumatized. It's bad enough one of us is about to be traumatized. I know what an internal is. I read about it.
    I sit her on the chair across the room. I hold both of her shoulders. "It's going to be okay. Okay?"
    She nods. She looks scared, but I can see her being brave.
    I walk to the bed and climb on. I lay back. He pulls the curtain around us so only my face is showing. I turn my head to her and smile. I'm dying inside but I can't show her.
    I look back as he places my slippers into a pair of metal grips. He slides something and I feel the bottom part of the bed is gone. My butt feels like it's sitting on the edge. He puts gloves on and smiles at me. "Relax, okay?"
    I swallow hard and nod.
    He pulls my knees apart. I feel a tear slip from my eye. I can't look at her. I look up at the white ceiling. I don’t feel anything. I close my eyes and I'm high in a tree. The wind is pushing and pulling me, swaying the tree and me. I feel the breeze on my face. I hear the birds and the sound the branches make when the wind plays with them.
    Something sharp stabs me.
    I try not to cry out but it hurts badly.
    I look up at his face.
    He looks hardened and distant from me. "Sorry. I didn’t realize you were virginal. Most girls your age, well, you know."
    I don’t know. Most girls what? My stomach hurts like a monthly cramp for a second. He steps back and removes bloody gloves and I see a glint of metal. "All done."
    He slips some thick cotton white underwear into my hand, "You will need these. Go back to the waiting room."
    I look at the padding in the center of them. They are like the rags I've made myself. I feel sick. He leaves the curtained area and then the room.
    The girl looks worried. I shake my head. "It's okay." She isn’t fooled. The tears streaming down my face tell her otherwise.
    I pull the underwear on over my slippers and lift my butt to get them underneath me. They feel thick and heavy between my thighs. My chest is rising and falling rapidly. I don’t want to scare the little girl, but I am a little girl, too. In my heart, I'm still the nine-year-old running through the woods. The nine-year-old who was lost and confused. I don't feel as though I've aged. I've grown cold and bitter but aged, no.
    I push myself up and sit on the bed for a minute. I see half her face through the curtain from where I sit. She looks scared.
    I step gingerly off the bed and walk around the curtain. My stomach hurts like I'm having my monthly. It's never hurt like this, though.
    She stands and takes my finger. We walk from the room and down the hallway. The other women in the waiting room look me over. I see relief on their faces when they don’t see a difference.
    I am different.
    I feel broken for the first time ever.
    I sit back down and try to ignore the feeling of the warmth in my underwear. She snuggles into me. If we could join skin and become one person I think she would ask for me to do it. She is terrified.
    "You can come with me now." I glance up at a woman in a white coat and matching pale blue pants and top. The other women want to ask me things. I can feel the tension in the air from it. I look at them. I can't smile and tell them it will be okay.
    I stand. The girl follows and walks along in the crook of my arm.
    "So now that that part is over with we will assign you a room. This is where you will stay for your duration with us." She has short brown hair that’s styled with big round curls. She is shiny and clean. I've never seen anyone like her. Her skin glows. There is no old dirt anywhere.
    She is the whitest person I've ever seen.
    "I'm Gloria. I'll be here with you guys. We do a rotation, four nights and then four days and then four off. If you don’t see me for four days, don’t panic. It's just my days off."
    I don’t know what she's talking about. Days off from what?
    "So you'll be in the wing where the women who are younger stay until they give birth. How old are you, sweetie?"
    I look up. She is raising a perfect brown eyebrow at me.
    "Nineteen," I mutter.
    "Okay. So yeah, the girls in your wing are anywhere from about sixteen to twenty-eight." She lowers her gaze as she walks. "And how old are you, honey?" The