Born to Rule

am your lady-in-waiting. I know von Schleppenspiel is quite a mouthful. My full name is Lady Merry von Schlepp…etcetera, etcetera.” She waved her hand dismissively. “You know the rest. You may call me simply Lady Merry, as in Merry Christmas. Princesses are permitted to call their ladies-in-waiting by their first names as long as that name is preceded by the correct title. Rule two, section four, article five of the rule book.”
    “B-b-but,” stammered Alicia. “I thought we were each to have our own lady-in-waiting.”
    “Oh, there’s a shortage this year, and I do believe I am ample enough for three. One of me equals three ladies-in-waiting. Wouldn’t you agree?” Lady Merry asked. And now she started laughing quite hard again.
    The three princesses stood transfixed as the guffaws set the eight chins rippling. The ripples traveled through Lady Merry’s body until her midsection jiggled. Her tiny feet were caught in an antic dance of their own as she kicked them out from the hem of her gown. She reminded the princesses of a ship caught in the midst of a violent squall. These were no longer simply ripples. These were waves, and the princesses watched closely to see if the vessel itself would hold. Would the seams split? Alicia wondered.
    Finally the laughter subsided, and Lady Merry whisked a dainty hanky from somewhere deep in the bodice of her dress and wiped the tears from her eyes.
    “Yes, miladies, I must tell you that I do prefer the word ‘ample’ to ‘fat.’ ‘Fat’ just sounds too dense to me. Ample, amplitude—a lady of great amplitude—yes, rather nice, I think. Or a lady of ample proportions suggests that I am much more than just fat—I have room for many things. By that I mean more things than just the common ones such as etiquette lessons. That is the standard stuff we ladies-in-waiting are expected to help you learn.” She daintily put the hanky to her mouth and burped again, though not as loudly as she had before.
    “For example, muffling a belch. I can do it even better than that when pressed.” She held up a hand and waved her sausagelike fingers for silence. “Listen!” Once more she raised the hanky to her mouth. The princesses saw a tremor pass through the sea-blue bodice of the dress, but they heard nothing.
    “Totally fab!” Kristen said.
    “We shall have burping contests! We’ll see who does the best. Oh, miladies, we’re going to have such fun! Now, it is suddenly spring, I see. So how about we all go out and play a bit of lawn tennis?”
    “You play lawn tennis?” Alicia asked.
    “Of course!” Lady Merry exclaimed. “I play it sitting down. I have discovered that almost everything one does standing up can be done sitting down. Ring for my servants, please, and then we’ll be off.”
    Before the servants had arrived, the soft green of the new spring leaves had begun to darken. “Hold it!” Lady Merry raised her hand for silence and stared out the window. “My goodness, miladies, regard the leaves of spring.” She paused. “As they darken to the deep green of summer and…and…” Lady Merry squealed with delight. “The first orange leaf of autumn is here. We all know what that means—we must go to the Forest of Chimes.”
    “What?” Kristen said. “A two-minute summer? Total weirdness.”
    The girls were having trouble following Lady Merry and keeping up with the ever-changing seasons.
    “Quickly now, we must get out bird-catching nets. This is the songbirds’ hour,” Lady Merry said.
    “Or minute?” Alicia asked.
    “Would it not be more practical to vait?” said Gundersnap.
    “No, my dear, nothing is practical here. Not at Camp Princess! Oh, practical! What an odd little word!” Lady Merry seemed quite amused. “And furthermore, when autumn happens like this, it always stays for at least a day.”
    Let’s hope so, Alicia thought. She feared it might take her a day to capture a songbird. She was getting even more nervous about the songbird contest.

Chapter 8
    THE FOREST OF CHIMES

    The Forest of Chimes was indeed a most enchanting place. It was a place of music. The songs of the birds mingled with the chimes of the trees, which had bells on them instead of leaves.
    Alicia had been following a little golden bird through the forest, but just as she swooped the net down, the bird escaped. She paused now to catch her breath and listen. It was a most musical forest. Even the stream that ran through the forest did not simply gurgle,