Carpe Jugulum

wing.
    Hodgesaargh the falconer was getting ready in the tiny room next door when he felt the change in the air. He stepped out into a silent mews. The birds were all awake, alert, expectant . Even King Henry the eagle, who Hodgesaargh would only go near at the moment when he was wearing full plate armor, was peering around.
    You got something like this when there was a rat in the place, but Hodgesaargh couldn’t see one. Perhaps it had gone.
    For tonight’s event he’d selected William the buzzard, who could be depended upon. All Hodgesaargh’s birds could be depended upon, but more often than not they could be depended upon to viciously attack him on sight. William, however, thought that she was a chicken, and she was usually safe in company.
    But even William was paying a lot of attention to the world, which didn’t often happen unless she’d seen some corn.
    Odd, thought Hodgesaargh. And that was all.
    The birds went on staring up, as though the roof simply was not there.

Granny Weatherwax lowered her gaze to a red, round and worried face.
    “Here, you’re not—” She pulled herself together. “You’re the Wattley boy from over in Slice, aren’t you!”
    “Y’g’t…” The boy leaned against the doorjamb and fought for breath. “You g’t—”
    “Just take deep breaths. You want a drink of water?”
    “You g’t t’—”
    “Yes, yes, all right. Just breathe …”
    The boy gulped air a few times.
    “You got to come to Mrs. Ivy and her baby missus!”
    The words came out in one quick stream.
    Granny grabbed her hat from its peg by the door and pulled her broomstick out of its lodging in the thatch.
    “I thought old Mrs. Patternoster was seeing to her,” she said, ramming her hatpins into place with the urgency of a warrior preparing for sudden battle.
    “She says it’s all gone wrong, miss!”
    Granny was already running down her garden path.
    There was a small drop on the other side of the clearing, with a twenty-foot fall to a bend in the track. The broom hadn’t fired by the time she reached it but she ran on, swinging a leg over the bristles as it plunged.
    The magic caught halfway down and her boots dragged across the dead bracken as the broom soared up into the night.

The road wound over the mountains like a dropped ribbon. Up here there was always the sound of the wind.
    The highwayman’s horse was a big black stallion. It was also quite possibly the only horse with a ladder strapped behind the saddle.
    This was because the highwayman’s name was Casanunda, and he was a dwarf. Most people thought of dwarfs as reserved, cautious, law-abiding and very reticent on matters of the heart and other vaguely connected organs, and this was indeed true of almost all dwarfs. But genetics rolls strange dice on the green baize of life and somehow the dwarfs had produced Casanunda, who preferred fun to money and devoted to women all the passion that other dwarfs reserved for gold.
    He also regarded laws as useful things and he obeyed them when it was convenient. Casanunda despised highwaymanning, but it got you out in the fresh air of the countryside which was very good for you, especially when the nearby towns were lousy with husbands carrying a grudge and a big stick.
    The trouble was that no one on the road took him seriously. He could stop the coaches all right, but people tended to say, “What? I say, it’s a lowwayman. What’s up? A bit short, are you? Hur, hur, hur,” and he would be forced to shoot them in the knee.
    He blew on his hands to warm them, and looked up at the sound of an approaching coach.
    He was about to ride out of his meager hiding place in the thicket when he saw the other highwayman trot out from the wood opposite.
    The coach came to a halt. Casanunda couldn’t hear what transpired, but the highwayman rode around to one of the doors and leaned down to speak to the occupants…
    …and a hand reached out and plucked him off his horse and into the coach.
    It rocked on its springs for a while, and then the door burst open and the highwayman tumbled out and lay still on the road.
    The coach moved on…
    Casanunda waited a little while and then rode down to the body. His horse stood patiently while he untied the ladder and dismounted.
    He could tell the highwayman was stone dead. Living people are expected to have some blood in them.

    The coach stopped at the top of a rise a few miles farther on, before the road began the long winding fall toward Lancre and the