Carpe Jugulum

stormin’ the castle in, oh, half an hour,” said Nanny. “Put the word out.”
    “Yes, Mum.”
    “Tell every one I said it ain’t compuls’ry for them to be there, of course,” Nanny added. Jason glanced at the hierarchy of Oggs. Nanny didn’t have to add anything more to that sentence. Everyone knew the cat’s box sometimes needed lining.
    “Yes, mum. I’II tell ’em you said they didn’t have to come if they don’t want to.”
    “Good boy.”
    “Is it flaming torches or, you know, scythes and stuff?”
    “That’s always tricky,” said Nanny. “But I’d say both.”
    “Battering ram, Mum?”
    “Er…no, I don’t think so.”
    “Good! It is my door, after all,” said Magrat.
    “Anythin’ special for people to yell, Mum?”
    “Oh, general yellin’, I think.”
    “Anything to throw?”
    “Just rocks on this occasion,” said Nanny.
    “Not large ones!” said Magrat. “Some of the stonework around the main gate is quite fragile.”
    “Okay, nothin’ harder than sandstone, understand? And tell our Kev roll out a barrel of my Number Three beer,” said Nanny. “Better pour a bottle of brandy in it to keep out the chill. It can really strike right through your coat when you’re hanging around outside a castle chantin’ and wavin’. And get our Nev to run up to Poorchick’s and say Mrs. Ogg presents her compliments and we want half a dozen big cheeses and ten dozen eggs, and tell Mrs. Carter will she be so good as to let us have a big jar of those pickled onions she does so well. It’s a shame that we have not time to roast something, but I suppose you have to put up with that sort of inconvenience when you’re being spontaneous.” Nanny Ogg winked at Agnes
    “Yes, Mum.”
    “Nanny?” said Magrat, when Jason had hurried away.
    “Yes, dear?”
    “A couple of months ago, when Verence suggested that tax on liquor exports, there was a big crowd protesting in the courtyard and he said, ‘oh well, if that’s the will of the people…’”
    “Well, it was the will of the people,” said Nanny.
    “Oh. Right. Good.”
    “Only sometimes they temp’ry forget what their will is,” said Nanny. “Now, you can leave young Esme next door with Jason’s wife…”
    “I’m keeping her with me,” said Magrat. “She’s happy enough on my back.”
    “You can’t do that!” said Agnes.
    “Don’t you dare argue with me, Agnes Nitt,” said Magrat, drawing herself up. “And not a word out of you, Nanny.”
    “Wouldn’t dream of it,” said Nanny. “The Nac mac Feegle always take their babies into battle, too. Mind you, for use as a weapon if it comes to it.”
    Magrat relaxed a little. “She said her first word this morning,” she said, looking proud.
    “What, at fourteen days?” said Nanny doubtfully.
    “Yes. It was ‘blup.’”
    “Blup?”
    “Yes. It was…more of a bubble than a word, I suppose.”
    “Let’s get the stuff together,” said Nanny, standing up. “We’re a coven, ladies. We’re a trio. I miss Granny as much as you do, but we’ve got to deal with things as she would.” She took a few deep breaths. “I can’t be having with this.”
    “It sounds better the way she says it,” said Agnes.
    “I know.”

Hodgesaargh ate his meal in the servants’ dining room off the kitchen, and ate alone. There were new people around, but Hodge-saargh generally didn’t pay much attention to non-falconers. There were always other people in the castle, and they had jobs to do, and if pressed Hodgesaargh would vaguely acknowledge the fact that if he left his laundry in a sack by the kitchen door every week, it’d be washed and dried two days later. There were his meals. The game he left on the cold slab in the long pantry got dealt with. And so on.
    He was returning to the mews when one of the shadows pulled him into the darkness, with a hand clamped over his mouth.
    “Mph?”
    “It’s me. Mrs. Ogg,” said Nanny. “You all right, Hodgesaargh?”
    “Mph,” and by this, Hodgesaargh contrived to indicate that he was fine except for someone’s thumb blocking his breathing.
    “Where are the vampires?”
    “Mph?”
    Nanny released her grip.
    “Vampires?” the falconer panted. “They the ones that walk around slowly?”
    “No, that’s the…food,” said Nanny. “Any swish-looking buggers about as well? Any soldiers?”
    There was a soft thud from somewhere in the shadows, and someone said “Blast, I’ve dropped the nappy bag. Did you see where it