Catweazle

Nathaniel Wheeler coming down. He’s lecturin’ at Breckley and
I’m entertainin’ him.’
    ‘Not
the explorer?’ said Carrot, who had read every book Nathaniel Wheeler had
written.
    ‘That’s
right,’ said the colonel. ‘Like to meet him?’
    ‘Gosh!
Yes!’ said Carrot.
    ‘Pop
round about six then. You too, George.’ The colonel stood up. ‘If you see Boy,
give me a ring, will you?’
    ‘Boy?’
said Mr Bennet.
    ‘My
monkey,’ said the colonel as he went off to search the surrounding woods. He
stopped occasionally and fired his gun in the air, hoping to scare the monkey
from its hiding-place. Catweazle heard the sound of firing in Castle Saburac,
where he was failing miserably in an attempt to reverse his spell. Poking his
head out of the inspection hole, he looked down at Colonel Upshaw as he went
past firing the gun.
    ‘A mighty
magician,’ gasped Catweazle, when he recovered from the deafening bang. ‘Mayhap
he will change thee back,’ he said, picking up the monkey and putting him
carefully inside a large cardboard box. ‘Come, my brother, he that hath the
thunder stick shall change thee, and help me return to my forest.’
    He
followed Colonel Upshaw all the way home and watched him disappear into his
conservatory. The colonel called it ‘The Jungle’ because it reminded him of
Africa. It was hot and steamy and full of luxuriant tropical plants.
    He
looked at the empty cage. ‘Boy’s really gone this time, Coote,’ he said sadly
to his housekeeper, Miss Coote. ‘No sign of him.’
    ‘He’s
answered the call of the wild, Colonel,’ said Miss Coote, putting a cloth on
the table.
    ‘Don’t
be soft, he was born in Harrods,’ replied the colonel shortly.
    Miss
Coote blushed and busied herself laying the table.
    ‘Have
you watered?’ asked the colonel, propping his gun against the wall. Miss Coote
stopped laying the table, and blushed again. She had completely forgotten.
    ‘Not
good enough, Coote,’ said the colonel. He pointed at a giant plant. ‘Look at
poor old Ansittium Funicularis. Absolutely parched.’ Miss Coote ran to fetch a
watering can.
    ‘No,
no, I’ll do it,’ said the colonel impatiently. ‘It’ll take my mind off Boy.’
    Miss
Coote hurried away into the sitting-room and the colonel picked up a hose pipe
and fixed it on a tap near the door. As he disappeared among the plants,
spraying them gently with the hose, Catweazle came in from the garden carrying
the monkey in the cardboard box.
    The
hose fascinated him and so did the tap. Was this electrickery he wondered, and
turned it full on. There was a yell from Colonel Upshaw as the full force of
water bounced off a flowerpot and hit him in the face. Unable to control the
hose which was now like a writhing snake, he charged round the plants spraying
water everywhere.
    ‘You
blithering idiot!’ roared the colonel, skidding on the wet tiles, ‘what on
earth d’you think you’re doing?’
    ‘I am
Catweazle,’ said the magician, avoiding the water as much as he could.
    The
colonel turned off the tap and straightened up, his glasses running with water.
‘Nat Wheeler?’ he gasped. ‘Good Lord! My dear chap! You’re soaked, absolutely
soaked!’
    He took
off his glasses and tried to wipe them. ‘I’d no idea it was you. Thought you
were cornin’ down later. Must be somethin’ wrong with that tap. Coote! Coote!
he called into the sitting-room.
    He
turned to Catweazle. ‘Must find something for you to change into,’ he said.
    Catweazle
looked at him with horror. He had no wish to be changed into anything. He had
seen what his own experiment had led to. Nevertheless he was forced to take off
his wet robe and put on a pair of Colonel Upshaw’s cricket trousers and a navy
blazer.
    When
eventually they returned to the conservatory, Miss Coote had lunch ready.
Catweazle picked up the box and handed it to the colonel.
    ‘Oh,
you shouldn’t have done this,’ said the colonel, thinking it was a present. He
was staggered when the monkey jumped out.
    ‘It’s
Boy,’ he cried, recognizing his pet.
    ‘Ay,’
said Catweazle miserably, ‘ ’tis the boy indeed!’
    ‘Amazin’,’
said the colonel, who was really completely bewildered. ‘How did you find him?’
    ‘With a
mandrake root,’ said Catweazle.
    ‘Oh,
really?’ said the colonel. ‘I always use bananas.’

    ‘End
his misery,’ said Catweazle who wanted to see Carrot changed back again. ‘I
know thou canst. Thou hast the Power,’ and he