Coda Books 06 - Fear, Hope, and Bread Pudding (MM)

easier?”
    Thomas shook his head. “In most cases, you’re going to run into the same biases. One of you would have to apply for the adoption as a single father, and depending on the country we applied in, you’d have to be very careful about what you divulged.”
    “We’d have to lie,” Cole said. “That’s what you’re saying.”
    Thomas made a noncommittal gesture—not quite a shrug, but not denying it either. “An omission of the full truth, at any rate.”
    “No.” Cole was adamant. “Absolutely not.”
    “And you’ve ruled out surrogacy?”
    I glanced over at Cole. This was something we’d discussed in depth. He gave Thomas the same answer he’d given me each time. “I’ve heard too many horror stories. Besides, there are so many unloved babies in the world. It seems selfish to create a new one when we could help somebody else instead.”
    Thomas turned to me for confirmation. “You’re agreed on this?”
    I nodded. I didn’t necessarily understand Cole’s reluctance to pursue surrogacy, but I was willing to respect his decision. “For now at least, we’d like to focus on adoption.”
    “Fair enough. In that case, we have to work with what’s allowed under current Arizona law, whether we think it makes sense or not.”
    “If it has to be one of us,” Cole said, looking down at his lap, “it should be Jonathan.”
    It hurt him to say it, I could tell, and using my actual name was still unusual for him. “Why me?” I asked, although I had a guess.
    “You know why.”
    Because he wasn’t masculine. Because he wasn’t what most people thought of when the term “dad” came to mind. “But you’re the one with the money. Without you, I wouldn’t even have a job.” It still irked me a bit at times, too, but I was getting used to it.
    “Jon’s right,” Thomas said. “Under the current law, your child could only inherit from whichever of you was the adopting parent, at least until a legal will is drawn up stating otherwise. Also, if you get divorced, the other of you wouldn’t even be entitled to custody or visitation rights.”
    “We’re not splitting up,” Cole said.
    “That’s what every couple says.” Thomas leaned forward on his desk to gaze back and forth between us. “Let me put it this way: If you adopted tomorrow and split up the next day, which one of you would be most able to care for the child, both financially and emotionally?”
    There was no question. “Him,” I said. Whether he wanted to admit it or not, I’d have to find work, which would be difficult. I’d have to pay for daycare. He would need neither of those things. “It should be Cole.”
    Cole turned to face me, flipping his hair out of his eyes so he could meet my gaze. “Are you sure, Jonny?”
    “Positive. Like you said, we’re not splitting up. And no matter what, I trust you to do what’s right. So for now, let’s just do what we have to do.”
    Thomas nodded at us and scribbled a note on the paperwork in front of him. “Now, as unpleasant as it is, I have to ask you: is there anything specific you’re looking for in a child? I know you want an infant. Anything beyond that?”
    Cole and I glanced at each other, unsure how to respond. “I don’t understand,” Cole said at last.
    “Some people are very specific. They only want a child with blond hair and blue eyes, or a child who’s of their same ethnicity. Or for some—”
    “No.” Cole’s firm tone spoke volumes. “Nothing could matter less to us than that.”
    Thomas was obviously relieved by the answer. “Good. Then the next step will be a home study where a social worker will come to your home and ask you a billion questions. They’re tedious and sometimes borderline offensive, but they’re absolutely required.”
    “Will it matter that we’re gay?”
    “I can’t guarantee the person doing the review will be open-minded about it, but they can’t deny you based on that alone. A big part of the review will be to assess your home. To see if you’re able to support a child in a healthy environment. Again, this is where it pays to have money. It sounds unfair to say that a rich parent can do more than a poor one, but the fact of the matter is, your child will have a comfortable home regardless of the economy or the job market. You’re not in debt. You’re not living paycheck to paycheck. You can already guarantee this child will have access to the best schools and the best health care in the world. Right or