Coda Books 06 - Fear, Hope, and Bread Pudding (MM)

hall. At some point, Cole would break down and go inside. He’d spend an afternoon or an evening sitting in the window seat, staring at the empty walls.
    We were always gone again within a week.
    “What will happen if we do get to adopt?” I asked him once, as we waited to board our plane. “We won’t be able to rush off at the drop of a hat.”
    “All the more reason to do it now, then, don’t you think?”
    There was some truth in that, but it wasn’t the real reason he couldn’t bear to stay at home. That room haunted him. It held so much potential, and yet at the moment, it was hauntingly empty.
    We decided to spend Thanksgiving in Hawaii because my father had never been there. Even the smallest turkey was too big for the three of us, so we had fresh seafood instead. We cooked the entire meal on the grill and ate on the balcony overlooking the ocean. It was a day that bordered on ideal, but I knew we were all thinking the same thing: would it be like this forever, the three of us pretending it was all we needed?
    “What’s the plan for Christmas?” my dad asked that night. He was watching football. Cole was curled up in a corner of the couch reading. I was halfway watching the game while working on my laptop.
    “I hadn’t thought that far ahead,” Cole said. “Where would you like to go?”
    My father shrugged. There was something odd about him, though. I had a feeling he wasn’t really concerned about where we spent Christmas. I suspected he had an ulterior motive. “Anywhere is fine.”
    “Germany is fabulous in December.”
    “Really?” I didn’t know much about Germany, but it hadn’t ever hit me as a tourist hot spot.
    Cole smiled at me, doing his best not to laugh at my American ignorance. “Really, love. Their Christmas markets are amazing. We could spend a week in Berlin and then go to Munich in time for Christmas?”
    “Sounds good,” my dad said.
    Cole looked back down at his book, apparently assuming the conversation was over. It wasn’t though. I knew by the expression on my dad’s face that he was about to come to his point.
    “Are you going to invite your mother?”
    Cole didn’t glance up from his book, but he went completely, painfully still. “Why bother? She won’t come.”
    “How do you know if you don’t ask her?”
    “Because she never comes.”
    “Can it hurt to call?”
    “Dad—” I said, but Cole finally met my father’s eyes.
    “She’ll say yes, but then she won’t show up. It’s a waste of time.”
    “So you don’t want to call her?”
    I wondered if he noticed the way Cole flinched at the question. It was subtle, but it was there. “Not particularly, no.”
    My dad bounced the remote on his knee, considering. “Do you mind if I call her?”
    “You’ve never even met her.”
    “I know. And I think it’s time I did.”
    Cole blinked at him as if debating how much to argue. In the end, he closed his book and stood up. He went into the bedroom and came out with a slip of paper. He dropped it unceremoniously in my father’s lap. It might have been the closest thing to anger I’d ever seen him display toward my father. “Whatever you like, honey,” he said, then went back into the bedroom and closed the door.
    I put my laptop aside and leaned forward on the couch to face my father. “Why are you pushing this?”
    He didn’t answer right away. He pursed his lips and turned the remote over and over in his hand as he considered it. “We’re family, Jon. I think it’s time we stopped avoiding her.”
    “ We aren’t avoiding her . She’s the one who didn’t come to the wedding. She’s the one who didn’t have time to see him when we were in town for his birthday two years ago. She’s the one—”
    My father held up his hand to stop me. “I know, Jon. The thing is, there are two sides to every story.”
    I stood up from my seat and pointed down the hallway toward Cole. “Are you saying this is his fault?”
    “I’m not saying it’s anyone’s fault. I’m just saying….” He sighed and rubbed his forehead with his fingers. “Sometimes things are harder than they seem.”
    “Nothing about this is complicated. She’s too busy to bother with her own son.”
    “That’s what you assume, but do you know it’s true?”
    “What other explanation is there?”
    “I don’t know, Jon, but I think it’s time we stopped making assumptions.”
    “Cole’s right. It’s a waste of time.”
    “Have you ever wondered what our